Scientist Jokes / Recent Jokes

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress... The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered. The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems. The computer scientist says, "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"

You are one of TWO persons on a malfunctioning aeroplane with only one parachute. How would you react? Here are the likely responses from major groups of people:
Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.
Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before and someone else will have a chance
that way.
Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.
Bureaucrat: you conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.
Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping to sue the airline.
Doctor: you say you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.
Sales Executive: you sell the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.
Internal Revenue Service Inspector: you confiscate the parachute along with his luggage, more...

Discovering evidence that there was an actual dinosaur alive and living in the rainforest of South America, a scientist succeeded in getting a grant to launch an expedition party.
Several weeks into their journey, the expedition party stumbled upon a three foot tall pigmy standing near a very large dead dinosaur.
The scientist approached the pigmy and exclaimed, "Goodness! Did you kill this dinosaur?"
"Sure did," the pigmy replied.
"But, it's so enormous and you are so small!" said the scientist.
"Yep," the pigmy said.
"But, how? How on earth did you kill it?" asked the puzzled scientist.
"With my club," explained the pigmy.
"How big is this club of yours?" the scientist inquired.
"Oh, there's about 100 of us!" replied the pigmy.

There was this not too bright scientist doing a study on how frogs respond to commands.
He tells a frog to jump. The frog jumps 30 feet.
He writes in his log book, frog jumps 30 feet.
Then he cuts off one leg. He gives the same command to frog.
It jumps 25 feet. In Log: Cut off one leg, frog jumps 5 less feet.
He cuts off another leg.
Frog goes 20 feet. He records it in log book.
Then he cuts off the 3rd leg, commands frog to jump. Frog jumps 10 feet.
He writes, cut off 3 legs and frog now jumps 10 less feet.
Finally, he cuts off the last leg and commands frog, JUMP! Frog doesn't move an inch.
So the scientist writes in his book...
Cut off all 4 legs and frog GOES DEAF!

There was this not too bright scientist doing a study on how frogs respond to commands.He tells a frog to jump. The frog jumps 30 feet. He writes in his log book, frog jumps 30 feet.Then he cuts off one leg. He gives the same command to frog. It jumps 25 feet. In Log: Cut off one leg, frog jumps 5 less feet.He cuts off another leg. Frog goes 20 feet. He records it in log book.Then he cuts off the 3rd leg, commands frog to jump. Frog jumps 10 feet. He writes, cut off 3 legs and frog now jumps 10 less feet.Finally, he cuts off the last leg and commands frog, JUMP! Frog doesn't move an inch. So the scientist writes in his book... Cut off all 4 legs and frog GOES DEAF!

What`s the difference between a Polish beauty queen, and cheese? One is old and moldy, the other tastes good on crackers. The Polish scientist was testing a small frog. He rings a bell and the frog jumps. He proceeds to amputate one of the frog`s legs. He rings the bell again, and the frog jumps, but not as high as before. So the scientist cuts off the remaining leg, and again he rings the bell. The frog does nothing. The scientist turns to his notebook, picks up his pen and writes, "I have therefore proven that when a frog`s legs have been amputated, the animal then goes deaf."

There was a group of scientists and they were all sitting around discussing which one of them was going to go to God and tell Him that they didn't need him anymore.

One of the scientists volunteered and went to go tell God he was no longer needed.

The scientist says to God - "God, you know, a bunch of us have been thinking and I've come to tell you that we really don't need you anymore. I mean, we've been coming up with great theories and ideas, we've cloned sheep, and we're on the verge of cloning humans. So as you can see, we really don't need you."

God nods understandingly and says. "I see. Well, no hard feelings.
But before you go let's have a contest. What do you think?"

The scientist says, "Sure. What kind of contest?"
God: "A man-making contest."

The scientist: "Sure! No problem".
The scientist bends down and picks up a handful of dirt and says, "Okay, more...