Scotch Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks, "This guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender, "I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
Still unimpressed, the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip...same reaction.
But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.
Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.
He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says: "Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out.
"That tastes more...
A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.The patron takes a sip...same reaction.But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:"Shay mishter, tashte this!" The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out."That tastes like pee!," he shoots back at the drunk.The drunk more...
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An overly-confident ten year old kid sauntered into a bar, went up to the barmaid and demanded, "Give me a double Scotch on the rocks!"
"What do you want to do, get me in trouble?" asked the barmaid.
"Maybe later," the kid replied, "Right now, all I want is the Scotch."
The following supposedly a true story.
This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give the scotch to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off of the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
A young businessman was seated next to an elderly priest on an airplane. Having a minor technical problem at the gate and the flight being delayed, the Captain apologized and announced that the airline would be buying a free round of drinks.
When the charming and very attractive flight attendant came by, the businessman ordered a double scotch. Then she asked the priest if he would like a drink.
"Oh, no thank you," replied the priest. "I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol."
Halting in mid-swallow and dribbling scotch down his front, the businessman quickly replaced his drink on the beverage cart and replied, "Excuse me, miss, I didn't know I had a choice."
A bartender asks a guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?"
"A scotch, please." The guy replied.
The bartender gives him the drink and says, "That's five dollars." "What are you talking about?" the man replies. "I don't owe you anything for this."
The fellow sitting next to him at the bar was a lawyer, who decided to get into the discussion. "You know," he tells the bartender, "he's got you there. In the original offer, constituting a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of payment."
The irritated bartender says to the first guy, "Fine. You beat me for a drink. But I don't ever want to see you in here again."
The following day, the very same guy comes back into the bar. The bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I told you not to come back!"
The guy replies, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place before in my more...