Screaming Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day, A blonde, Brunette, and a red head decided to have their boyfriends over.
During the course of the night one of their friends went by each of their houses and heard giggling at the blondes house and screaming at the brunettes house, but when she got to the red heads house, she didnt hear anything.
The next morning she asked the blonde why she was giggling last night. The blonde replied that she was about to sleep with this guy but his dick was so small it tickled.
Then she asked the brunette why there was screaming at her house. She replied that she was about to sleep with this guy but when he tried his dick was so big and thick that it hurt her.
When she got to the red head and asked why she didnt hear anything from her house last night the red head replied that her father told her never to talk with her mouth full.
1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
6. After you give them candy, hand the more...
1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a more...
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.A few minutes after that, another loud scream echo's through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about. The bartender yells, "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!" The drunk responds, "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls." The bartender opens the door and looks in. You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!
'Twas the night after Thanksgivingand all through the nell,not a creature was stirringexcept Tiger on his cell.
Elin was stalking her man to find more.With hopes to catch Cheetah textinghis whore.
The moms' in their nightieslaid down for some sleep,Elin continued her search for that creep.
When all through the house there arose such a clatter!Elin found his golf clubs,his face she would shatter!
Neighbors ran to there windows,tore open the curtain,Holy shit! It was Tigerscreaming and hurtin'!
Barefoot he sprinted barelytouching the grass.Madly hoping and praying to save his own ass.
Help Jesus, help Buddah, Oprah, Tom Cruise!Somebody please save me from theobituary news!
Elin swift on his heels screaming, swinging and crying,I'll kill you, you Cheetah!I knew you were lying!
A smack to his forehead, crunch went his teeth.OMG! Elin! I never did cheat!
Tiger ran to the car,tore open the door.Crash went a window!That's for your whore!
He more...
A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he hears a woman screaming and detects a faint smell of burning in the air. He runs down the street and around a corner and sees a huge group of people standing watching a blazing building. On the tenth floor of the building a woman, clutching a bundle to her chest, is leaning out of a window screaming for someone to save her baby.
The man steps forward and calls up to the woman, "Throw down your baby and I'll catch it!"
"No! No!" the woman shouts back. "You might miss or drop my baby and she'll be killed!"
"No I won't!" shouts the man. "I am Alec Maguire. I'm the goalkeeper for Ireland's national football [soccer] team. I've never missed a match in ten years and in all that time I have never let the ball into my net."
"What? Not once?" calls the woman.
"No!" shouts back the man. "Not once. Every football player in the world agrees that I more...