Screams Jokes / Recent Jokes
A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run....run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!" A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!" The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whisper, "He doesn`t have to run, he`s got four balls." After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"
A young Italian bride was having a talk with her mother on her wedding
night.
She said, "MaMa, I'va never been with a man before and I'm ascared.
Whattama gonna do?"
Her mother says, "Baby, just go to your husband, and you'll know what
to do".
So, the nervous bride goes upstairs to her husband and closes the
bedroom door behind her. While she's standing across the room, her
husband takes off his shirt.
"Oh, my goodness" she screams as she runs out the door and down the
stairs to her mother.
"MaMa, he's a gotta hair all over his a chest!"
Her mother replies, "Honey, that's OK, he's a man, he's supposed to
have a hairy chest. Now go up back to your husband."
The nervous bride again goes back upstairs to the bedroom and closes
the door. Her husband takes off his pants.
"Oh me goodness!" she screams as she runs out the door and down the
stairs to more...
Well, one day, an idiot looking for a job finally came across a cigarette stand that was accepting anyone as there cashier. After being turned down for every job he filed for, he accepts this low paying job. One day, a woman comes to the stand, "Hey, sonny, how much do those cigaretts cost?" "I dont know", replies the stupid cashier. The woman leaves unsatisfied. THe boss, having seen this goes up to him and screams "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT KNOW, THEY COST 10 CENTS, GOD!!!!!!""10 cents? I will have to remember that" said the cashier. The next day, another woman comes "hey sonny, how much do those cigaretts cost?" "10 cents ma'am""Really?, are they fresh?" "I dont know"So the woman leaves. The boss, having spied this screams "WELL OFCOURSE THEY ARE FRESH YOU NINCOMPOOP, WHAT DO YOU THINK? THEY ARE SOUR OR SOMETHING?" So the cashier memorizes "Yes, very fresh"The next day, another woman more...
A man in Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego the day before Thanksgiving and says,' I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.'
Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says.' We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Denver and tell her.'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.' Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts,' I'll take care of this,' She calls Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her father,' You are NOT getting divorced. Do not do a single thing until I get there. I am calling my brother back, and we will both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.' Okay,' he says,' they're coming for Thanksgiving more...
A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine. On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way."Well, okay," he says, "how about a blow job?""Yuck!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!"He says, "Well, then, how about a hand job?" "I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?""Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?" She nods. "Well, it's just like that."So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on more...
A man and a woman have just finished shagging when suddenly a bee flies in the bedroom window and zooms straight up the woman's love tunnel.' Oh God!' she screams.' Help me! There's a bee up my vagina and it's buzzing around in there (albeit rather pleasurably)!'' Let's go says her mate, I'll rush you straight to hospital!' On arrival at the emergency room the agitated couple are ushered into a curtained-off area by a male doctor.'What seems to be the problem?' he asks.' I've got a frigging bee up my vagina' screams the woman.' Get it out!'' I see,' says the doctor.'Well, there's only one way to extract this bee. I'm going to have to spread honey on my nob and entice it out.' The doctor gets out his old fella and dunks it in a jar of honey he just happens to have with him. He then mounts the woman and penetrates her with his sticky sweet love stick.' Just an inch or two should do it,' he says. After a few seconds he slides it in a bit further. After another few seconds he says' Hmmm, more...
One day a lovely brunette walked into a doctors office and said doc my whole body is broken. Why do u say that says the doctor. Well when ever i touch any part of my body it hurts see, she touched her waist owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww she screams, then she touches her knee and she screams owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.What should i do she askes. Well ur body is'nt broken. ur not a real brunette are u the doc askes! no i'm not, i'm a blonde says the oung lady! Well ur body isnt broken ur god damn figer is broken! Idiot