Secret Jokes / Recent Jokes
Moskowitz had bought a parrot and one morning found the bird at the eastern side of the cage, with a small prayer shawl over its head, rocking to and fro, and mumbling. Bending low to listen, Moskowitz was thunderstruck to discover the parrot was intoning prayers in the finest Hebrew.
"You're Jewish?" asked Moskowitz.
"Not only Jewish," said the parrot, "but Orthodox. So will you take me to the synagog on Rosh Hashonah?"
Rosh Hashonah, the Jewish New Year, was indeed only 2 days away, and it would as always usher in the high-holiday season which would end with Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, ten days later. Moskowitz said "Of course I'll take you, but can I tell my friends about you? This isn't a secret is it?"
"No secret at all. Tell anyone you want to." And the parrot returned to his praying.
Moskowitz went to all his friends to tell them about his Jewish parrot. Of course no one believed him, and in no more...
Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't.
A young teenage girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk.
Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do more...
A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her Grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl became frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously," What are you lining up for dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl said that some people were giving out free oranges and that she was lining up for some. "Mmmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma, "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But, you're so old, how do you do more...
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret."
"I don''t know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one."
"You''ll let it out some day," the man insisted.
"I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret
for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever."
Seems that there was a noted gardener who was famous for his wonderful tomato plants. As would happen, one day a young lady asked him his secret for success. He replied that each morning he went out to his tomato plants with nothing on but a robe. He would stand in front of them and flash them. He suggested that she try his method.
A few weeks passed before they again met, and being the gentleman he was, he inquired as to her success. She replied that nothing had happened to her tomato plants, but that he should come and see her cucumbers!
10. Called the Smurfs in for a "business meetin'" when they were contemplatin' a comeback. He also brought a few Italian goons t'the meetin' an'... well... let's just say that stain on his tail ain't barbecue sauce. 9. Actually thinks Ash is his mom, an' keeps havin' Oedipal dreams. 8. He's a MOUSE. C'mon, filth, disease, Bubonic Plague anyone? 7. Secret sponsors include "Society of People Who Want to Say' Gesundheit' When Someone Else Mentions A Cultural Phenomenon So That They (The People Who Say' Gesundheit') Can Think They're Hilarious." I'm a card-carryin' member. 6. Has Frosty the Snowman's eyes. Literally. 5. That Vegas strip club. 4. In obscure Koreo-Japanese dialect, "Pikachu" actually means "Barney". 3. Y'know Don King? Guested on South Park an' The Simpsons, managed Mike Tyson an' other popular rapists, an' pays people t'throw fights? He manages Pikachu, an' Team Rocket's on his payroll. 2. Pikachu keeps swipin' Queen Amidala's more...