Section Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. BadAir: When you just can’t wait for the world to come to you.
2. BadAir: We’re Amtrak with wings.
3. Join our frequent near-miss program.
4. On flights, every section is a smoking section.
5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
6. Our staff has had lots of experience counseling next-of-kin.
7. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don’t worry. We’ll turn them off.
8. Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
9. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
10. The kids will love our inflatable slides.
11. If you think it’s so easy, get your own plane!
12. Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
13. Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
14. BadAir: We may be landing on your street.
15. BadAir: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
16. Bring a bathing suit.
17. Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as more...
What's the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section? half a measure ora semi-tone
Men should ace this test. .. women may have a little difficulty.
Mohan might have some trouble with this one.....
There IS a code of "Restroom Etiquette" that MUST be followed.
The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room.
An X above the number will indicate "in use."
(Sample)
| | | x | | | x | (Indicates that urinals 3 and 6
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | are occupied.)
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You are to identify, based on urinal etiquette, at which stall you
should stand.
Good luck!
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Easy Section
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1.)
| | x | | x | | | (Urinals 2 and 4 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
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Your choice: ___
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Correct answer: 6 It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy
instinctively knows this.
2.)
| more...
A beautiful woman boarded a jet and took a seat in the first class section. The flight attendant checked her ticket and said "You're in the wrong section. This ticket is for coach. You'll have to move."
The woman replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Miami."
The attendant called for the captain who checked her ticket and also told her she had to move and again she replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Miami."
After some thought, the captain whispered into her ear and the woman got up and moved back to coach.
"Captain, what did you say to get her to move?" asked the flight attendant.
Captain replied, "I told her that the first class section doesn't land in Miami."
A POLICE officer caught a young street goonda beating up another.
'You are charged under Section 324 of the Indian Penal Code for causing physical injury to this man he said with authority.
'Sir, pleaded the goonda,' I am young. Kindly reduce the offence form Section 324 IPC to something lower. I will do whatever Sewa I can.'
'All right, I will reduce it by 17 and charge you under Section 307 IPC (causing serious injury).
'Can't you make it a little lower?' pleaded the culprit.
'I could. Instead of reducing it by 17, 1 could reduce it by 22 and charge you under Section 302' (murder).
'May Hazoor live long,' said the grateful goonda.
Q: What is a chord?
A: Three violists playing in unison.
Q: What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto?
A: Music Minus One.
Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline.
Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section?
A: Half a measure.
Q: What is the difference between grapes and a viola?
A: You take off your shoes to stamp on grapes.
Conductor: Again from measure 5, if you please.
Voice from viola section: But Maestro, we have no measure numbers.
Q: What is the difference between a chainsaw and a viola?
A: If you absolutely had to, you could use a chainsaw in a string quartet.
Q: What do you call a person who plays the viola?
A: A violator.
Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section?
A: A more...
A new sales assistant was hired at a large department store. On his first day, the sales manager took him around to show him the ropes. They were passing by the gardening section, when they heard a customer asking for grass seed. The sales manager stepped in.
Sales manager: Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to water your lawn?
Customer: I guess so. I'll take one.
Sales manager: And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer?
Customer: Um, okay.
Sales manager: Here's a couple of bags. You'll also need a lawn mower to cut the grass when it starts growing too long.
Customer: I'll take one of those too.
After the customer left, the sales manager turned to the assistant. "You see?" he said, "that's the way to make a good sale. Always sell more than what the customer originally came in for."
Impressed, the assistant headed off for the pharmaceutical section, where he was to work. Soon, a man strolled more...