Seeks Jokes / Recent Jokes
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for more...
SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom northside condo. $800/month plus 1/2 utilities. Must enjoy garlic, taxidermy & clock repair.
SWF: Seeks any M, age 16-52, for immediate marriage. Willing to beg. Call 24/hours, 7/days 1-800-I'm-4you.
SWM: 39, enjoys assault rifles, heavy drinking, and testosterone. Seeks like-minded SF, W only, to listen to political conspiracy theories and help stock secluded mountain shelter. Don't bother to write, I already know where you live.
SWF: 25, enjoys poetry recitals, interpretive dance, herb tea, New Age music, communing with Galian nature spirits, and Jello sculpting. Seeks aloof, analytic whimp.
SWM: 59, wide range of interests including Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Power Rangers, and Sea Quest. ISO compatible F.
SM: Seeking an adventurous SF interested in underwater bondage with or w/o scuba gear and albino livestock breeding. No weirdos please.
SBM: Vegetarian Truck-driving Republican juggler wishes to meet woman of more...
SINGLE FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a
very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods,
riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights
lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub
me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home
from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call. ..
and ask for Daisy. Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the owner of an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.
Actual Personal Ads taken from Israeli newspapers
Attractive Jewish woman, 35, college graduate, seeks successful Jewish Prince Charming to get me out of my parents' house. POB 46
Shul Gabbai, 36. I take out the Torah Saturday morning. Would like to take you out Saturday night. Please write. POB 81
Couch potato latke, in search of the right applesauce. Let's try it for eight days. Who knows? POB 43.
Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shul with, light shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important. POB 658
Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B'av, Taanis Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Asar B'Tammuz. Seeks companion for living life in the "fast" lane. POB 90
Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman. POB 43
Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan! Write. POB more...
BREAKING NEWS: BUSH SEEKS TO ENJOIN SANTA FROM CHECKING LIST TWICE
Lack of Standards Decried
Austin, TX (Dec. 13)--Attorneys for President-Elect George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the court to effectively ban his traditional practice of checking the list of good boys and girls one additional time before packing his sleigh.
The suit filed in Federal District Court in Austin, asks a federal judge to "hereby order Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the original list as submitted without amendment, alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary modification."
"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty, and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and capricious. How many more times does he need to check? This more...
It seems that a man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches around the world, but thought that the place to start, since he as an American, would be the United States, and with that in mind, he decided to fly to San Francisco, and start working east from there.He goes to the very large Grace Cathedral in that city and begins taking photographs, etc., when he suddenly spots a golden telephone on a wall with a sign which reads $10,000 a minute. Intrigued, he seeks out the priest and asks about the phone and the sign. The priest advises him that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and, if he wants to use it, he can talk directly to God. "Thank you very much", says he and continues on his way. His next stop is Clinton, Nebraska, and while attending a church there, notices that there is exactly the same type of phone, with exactly the same sign on it.Again, he seeks out the parish priest, asks the same question, and again is told that it is a more...