Senior Jokes / Recent Jokes

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says,' 'Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!''
Herman says,' 'I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''

Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands inback. Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last nightand had the best meal ever. Good prices too."Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of therestaurant?"Herb says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What'sthe name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?"Sam says, "How about rose?""Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife. "Rose. Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at lastnight?"

A senior gas company training supervisor and a
young trainee were out checking meters in a
suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at
the
end of the alley and worked their way to the
other end.
At the last house, a woman in her kitchen window
watched the two men as they checked her gas
meter. Having finished the meter checks, the
supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a
foot race down the alley
back to the truck -- just to prove that an older
guy could outrun a younger one.
As they at last came running up to the truck,
they forgot to check who had won since they both
realized the lady from that last house was
huffing and puffing right behind them. They
stopped immediately and asked her what was
wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I saw two
man from the gas company running away from my
house as hard as you two were, I figured I'd
better run more...

Life of a Senior Citizen... I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts till 8 p. m. I'm very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer. I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going. I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano, & antacid. I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you are saying. I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine. I'm so cared for: Long term care, Eye care, Private care, Dental care. . . I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians. I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place. I'm wrinkled, saggy and bumpy and that's just my left leg. I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies. I'm anti-everything now: Anti-fat, Anti-smoke, Anti-noise, Anti-inflammatoryI'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors. . . Absolutely nothing! I'm sure they are making adults much more...

I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts' till 8pm.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.
I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid...
I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories... over and over and over and over.
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.
I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care.
I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians...
I'm positive I did housework correctly before the Internet.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering more...

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained. "These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others. "The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior. After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we`re still on the right side of the grass!"

Recently a tour bus full of senior citizens was traveling along an interstate. Suddenly, an elderly woman in the back screamed and jumped out of her seat. The driver pulled over and headed toward the back of the bus. When the driver got to the woman, he asked what was wrong. The woman replied, "There`s a man trying to molest me!" The driver asked the other passengers, but no one had seen anything. The driver turned to the woman and said, "You must have scared off the man when you screamed." The woman agreed and returned to her seat. The bus driver resumed driving, but a few miles down the road the same woman, again, screamed and jumped out of her seat. Once again, the driver pulled over and headed to the back of the bus. "What`s wrong now?" asked the driver. The woman replied, "That man trying to molest me, he`s under my seat!" The driver looked under the seat, and sure enough there was an old bald guy. The driver said to the man, "Sir, more...