Sense Jokes / Recent Jokes

You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"
You've ever referred to someone as "my poor working class friend"
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to social security.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
The only union you support is the AFL Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
You've ever referred to the moral fibre of something.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
You answer to "The Man."
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders more...

It's difficult to extract sense from strings, but they're the only communication coin we can count on.

Not an idiot, but plays one in his life.

Not as dumb as he looks, but that would be impossible.

Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us.

Not done evolving yet.

Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective.

Not enough brains to get anywhere NEAR the gutter.

Not enough change to break a dollar/pound/deutschmark/yen.

Not enough sense to come in out of the rain.

Not enough sense to stay out in the rain. (Like a 60's flower child.)

Not firing on all four/six/eight cylinders.

Not firmly seated in the socket / screwed in tight.

Not hard-docked.

Not inflated to 90 PSI.

Not Intel Inside. (Or, given Pentium problems, just: Intel inside.)

Not much to show for four billion years of evolution.

Finally, a definition of Marketing that makes sense.... You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.

24. You actually like marching band and would kill to do it all year long.
23. The drummers start making sense to you.
22. You have to stay in step with people around you while walking.
21. You direct the songs on the radio.
20. Playing "stare down" with the drum major is no fun anymore.
19. You wonder what life would be like if you weren`t in band.
18. You roll step while you walk to class.
17. You practice your marching music on a daily basis.
16. You think Louie Louie is the best song ever written.
15. You major in music and usse your high school band director as a role model.
14. Those stupid "band humor" jokes are the funniest things you ever heard.
13. You pick out instruments from the music in cartoons.
12. You start screaming "LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!" to people that walk in front of you on the way to class.
11. Drummers start making sense to you.
10. You`ve dated everyone in the band more...

There are large men the whole world over on a
large and varied scale,
But none of them resemble
the Great Australian Male.
He's rugged and he's handsome,
he drinks beer instead of wine,
he's always out for pleasure,
of a very simple kind.
He's either off to see the footy
with a dozen cans or more,
or fishing with his buddies,
getting drunk along some shore.
He thinks he's quite a lover,
and he's sexy and discreet,
that he can get you in a quiver
from your head down to your feet.
But when he's got you ready,
lying limpid' neath the sheet,
you hear a snore and turn around
to find him sound asleep.
He's a funny sort of fellow
with more pride than he's got sense
and if you told him he was wrong,
he'd only take offence.
Oh, there are men who take you dancing,
out to dinner twice a week.
men who never dress in faded jeans
or die to take a leak.
Yes more...

Uses thumbtacks to post notes -- on his refrigerator. Uses two hands to eat with chopsticks. Using a 1S-2D floppy for brains in a world of hard disks. Vacancy on the top floor. Vacuuming linoleum using a deep-pile setting. Vertically-fornicated mind. Views mold as a higher life form. Warranty expired. Was born an acrobat but landed on his head. Was born when the planets were misaligned. Was first in line for brains, but ended up holding the door open. Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby. Was napping in the nut pile the day God was cracking nuts. Wasn't abused as a child, but should have been. Wasn't strapped in during launch. Watches "Beavis and Butthead" to learn vocabulary. Watching programs not listed in TV Guide. We're all missing cards from our decks -- and different cards, too. Went in for repairs but wasn't tightened with a torque wrench. Went to the dentist to have his cranial cavity filled. When he was compiled they forgot to #include [smarts. more...