Sense Jokes / Recent Jokes
Not an idiot, but plays one in his life. Not as dumb as he looks, but that would be impossible. Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us. Not done evolving yet. Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective. Not enough brains to get anywhere NEAR the gutter. Not enough change to break a dollar/pound/deutschmark/yen. Not enough sense to come in out of the rain. Not enough sense to stay out in the rain. (Like a 60's flower child.) Not firing on all four/six/eight cylinders. Not firmly seated in the socket / screwed in tight. Not hard-docked. Not inflated to 90 PSI. Not Intel Inside. (Or, given Pentium problems, just: Intel inside.) Not much to show for four billion years of evolution. Not only rude, but ugly too. Not playing with / dealing from a full deck (-- not even in the game). Not running on full thrusters. Not shooting pool on a level table. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree / light in the harbor. Not the full quid. Not the same since they took him off more...
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
- Drink' til she's cute, but stop before the wedding
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
- Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
- I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
- I intend to live forever - so far, so good
- I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
- Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
- Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
- Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
- Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people more...
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in
deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is
afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to
stay out all night?
Business conventions are important because they
demonstrate how many people a company can operate
without.
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than
everyone else looks?
Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
No one has more driving ambition than the boy who
wants to buy a car.
There are no new sins....the old ones just get more
publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong
number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
Think about this..., No one ever says "It's only a
game" when his team is winning.
Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make
him wag his tail.
The nicest thing about the future is that it always
starts tomorrow.
If you don't have a more...
Relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest
that you should get some rest.
You can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up.
You say the same sentence over and over again not realizing that you
have said it before.
The Sun is too loud.
Trees begin chasing you.
You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip
solution of espresso.
You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption
of coffee.
You can hear mimes.
You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
Things become "Very Clear".
You ask the Drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.
You begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can
understand.
You keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" even though you are the only
one in the more...
"Laughter is God's gift to mankind." proclaimed the preacher ponderously.
"And mankind," responded the cynic, "is the proof that God has a sense of humor."
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness, because I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.
On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was to humiliating to reveal. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
In this case, the truth hurt. I mean it really hurt in the place men feel the most pain. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty
As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed!" she harkened. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-patter).
"Reset it yourself!"
"I am scared!" She more...