Sentient Jokes

* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy.
* If you wish to know The Way, don't ask for directions. Argue. Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl. Unless, of course, you have the closet space.
* Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.
* There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
* Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
* To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?
* Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo. Learn of the kugel from the kugel.
* Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal more...

MEAT -- Terry Bisson

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Imagine if you will... the leader of the fifth invader force speaking to the commander in chief...

' They're made out of meat!'

'Meat?'

'Meat. They're made out of meat.'

'Meat?'

'There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat.'

'That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars.'

'They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines.'

'So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact.'

'They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines.'

'That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient more...

: Imagine if you will... the leader of the fifth invader force speaking to the commander in chief...
"They're made out of meat, Sir."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them
aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."
"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars."
"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from
machines."
"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."
"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."
"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These more...

I submit the following. For all I know, it may have originated in
rec.humor.funny, but I don't know. This was sent to me by a friend.
Apparently it has an unknown author.
[Note - Michael subsequently reported that the author is Terry Bisson, it
originally appeared in OMNI Magazine, it was nominated for a Nebula,
and it is reprinted here by permission of Mr. Bisson. My thanks
to Michael and Terry - ed.]
Imagine if you will... the leader of the fifth invader force speaking to
the commander in chief...
"They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of
the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way
through. They're completely meat."
"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the
stars."
"They use the radio more...