Signals Jokes

A woman got turned down for a job on a building site so she threatened to take the company to court for sexual discrimination, when they relented they gave her a job with a scaffolder and she was told that she had to learn 3 hand signals so that she knew what the scaffolder wanted.The 1st signal was a clenched fist moving forward and backward to simulate using a saw.The 2nd was a clenched fist moving up + down to simulate using a hammer.And the 3rd was both hands with for finger and thumb touching and movin closer then further apart to simulate a tape measure, The woman thought this was easy and was told to start in the morning, The next morning arrived and she is on the building site, the scaffolder whistles at her from high up on the scaffold and gives her the tape measure signal, she looks up at him and pats her breast, makes a signal like shes fealing a pregnant belly and then cups her private parts, the scaffolders annoyed and does his signal again, she looks at him and repeats more...

A farmer drives across his field one day in his tractor, when half ways across the field the tractor breaks down. "Damn it" he said.

He sees his wife in the farm yard feeding the chickens, he catches her attention and shouts to her and signals with his hand that he needs a pair of pliers to fix the engine in his tractor.

His wife cannot hear him and raises her arms in the air to indicate this. The farmers shouts over again louder this time and signals with his hand that he needs a pair of pliers to fix his tractor.

This carries on for a while with the farmer and his wife until eventually she makes out what he is saying.

As soon as she realized what he was saying she signaled back. She put both hands on her breasts, then on her crotch and then on her backside.

The farmer looked at her with a very puzzled stare, he couldn't believe what she was doing. His wife repeated this over and over until eventually the farmer gave up more...

An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken. He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit card (unfortunately B-) ). So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: "Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!" The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure in its meaning, signals back - once again, with the smoke: "OK, chief, but why so much? " At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is being held on the test field nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky... The tribe signals: "Ok, Ok, chief, we just wondered, why to be so angry?"

The Top 17 Other Effects of the Galaxy 4 Satellite Malfunction

17 With nowhere else to go, radio signals converge on Don King's hair.

16 Tamagotchis the world over die a slow, horrible death.

15 Worldwide headaches when everyone's metal dental fillings receive the signals from Gilbert Gottfried's cell phone.

14 Phoneless George Steinbrenner left unable to fire Joe Torre when the Yankees trailed in the third.

13 Ross Perot and Newt Gingrich stricken with terror while temporarily out of touch with the mothership.

12 Fortune Cookie Effect: words' in bed' added to end of all text messages.

11 Their cellular phones useless, denizens of Los Angeles experience the quaint charm of eating their lunch with both hands.

10 Dennis Rodman tentatively removes tinfoil cap and crawls out from under the woodpile.

9 Cher's face snaps and rolls up like a cheap paper window shade.

8 After several more...

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?"
The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion.
The wife not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures.
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.
Well there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, "What in the friggin hell was that?"
She replies, "EYE-LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH!"