Separate Jokes

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school.
"Well," he said, "it's three weeks long."
"What else," I asked.
"The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools."
"And the third week?" I asked.
"The third week, the fools jump."

Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Moisha explained."We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth."The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?"Moisha then said "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food.The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What
about the more...

Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany.
He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.
When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth.
So Moisha explained: "We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth."
The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?"
Moisha then said "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food.
The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of more...

At Aberdeen Uni, 4 sophomores were taking Biology. They had done brilliantly in labs, on practicals and tests etc. Each had an 'A' so far for the semester. So confident were they before finals that they decided to head down to Edinburgh College for a big party with some mates.
After a great deal of partying they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Aberdeen till early Monday morning. Rather than take the final then, they decided to find the Professor after the exam and explain their trip, how they had planned to be back in time to study, but unfortunately had a flat tire on the way home, didn't have a spare, couldn't get help and thus missed the final.
The Professor thought it over, agreed they could take the exam the next day, and naturally the guys were relieved. That night they studied hard, arrived the next day, where upon the professor placed them each in separate rooms. Handing them a test booklet he told them to begin.
Looking at problem 1, worth five more...

“Artichokes … are just plain annoying … After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual ‘food’ out of eating an artichoke as you would rom licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead. ” - Miss Piggy
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. ” –Sam Levinson
“This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn’t say how far to separate them. ” - Gracie Allen
“I’ve been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. ” - Erma Bombeck
“I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. ” - Joe E. Lewis
“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead. ” - Woody more...