Saleswoman Jokes

Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...

(An amusing anecdote from the Jan 26 San Jose Mercury News.)
Nearly everyone knows that Judith Martin, better known as Miss
Manners, the syndicated columnist, is exceedingly correct. Last
week, she saw an advertisement in the newspaper that a Maryland
jewelry store was having a sale in her silver pattern. Upon arriving
at the store, she told the jeweler she was looking for additional
dessert spoons in her pattern and had been making do with the larger
soup spoons.
"That's not much of a hardship," the employee said. "It is
for me," Martin responded. Caught up in the moment, the saleswoman
joked, "Who do you think you are, Miss Manners?" The easily
recognizable Miss Manners looked at the woman, unable to respond. And
then it registered. "Oh my God!" the saleswoman said.

A guy walks into a store to buy brains. He asks the woman behind the counter how much each of the brains cost. They saleswoman tells him, "$5/gram for women's brains, $20/gram for dog's brains, and $100/gram for men's brains."So the guy is surprised with the varying prices, and he asks the saleswoman, "How come men's brain's are so much more expensive than women's brains or dog's brains?" And the saleswoman replies, "Are you kidding!?!?!?!? Do you know how many men it takes to get a gram of brains???"

I recently purchased a new PC from one of the major computer manufacturers. I
placed my order via the web but asked for them to call me for my credit card information. So, after a couple days of phone tag, I got in touch with the saleswoman handling my account. I was thinking I'd just give her my credit card number and be on my way.Almost.Saleswoman: “Do you realize that the modem you've chosen doesn't have sound support?”Customer: “What exactly does a ‘modem with no sound support’ mean?”Saleswoman: “It means that if you go to a web page that has a movie or sound file, you
won't be able to hear it.”Customer: “What does the modem have to do with that?”Saleswoman: “Well, sir, the modem is what connects your computer to the Internet.”Customer: “So, you're telling me that this particular modem scans the TCP/IP packets
passing through it for those belonging to any sound application and filters them out?”Saleswoman: “Yes.”Customer: “How does more...

A man walked over to a saleswoman to make a purchase.The woman realised the man had the flap of his pants open. She coined up a euphimism and told the man to close his barracks. The man was astounded and looked puzzled without knowing what was wrong until another man told him of his open flaps. He then zipped up, ran back to the saleswoman and asked, when you looked into the barracks, did you notice any soldiers standing on attention? The woman replied, no, I only saw an old drooping soldier worn out by many years of war with two worn out canon balls, one at each of his sides.