Sergeant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?".

The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."

The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"

The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do more...

An army soldiers' sergeant told him to stay where he was and do not move no matter what! In a minute a group of the enemies came charging he stayed where he was. In another there was a search light. it passed right over him! but he didn't move.

Suddenly he takes off running down the battle area. when the sergeant found him he asked, " what in gods name where you doing?"

He answered," well when the enemies ran right by me and i didn't move, when the search light passed right over me, but when those two squirrels walked between my legs and said,' lets eat one and leave the other for later,' I wasn't about to stick around and see what happened!"

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldnt you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGraths mother died. Youd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for more...

When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough."That's the only way to command respect in the Army," his friends said.So Reggie did his best to carry out the advice. He swaggered all around camp, bragging, blustering and talking out of the corner of his mouth."Show me a sergeant and I'll show you a dope," Reggie shouted.No sooner had he spoken than a brawny, battle-hardened figure appeared."I am a sergeant!" he bellowed."I am a dope," whispered Reggie.

President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute."Id salute you back, Sergeant," says the President, "but as you can see, Ive got my hands full.""Yes, sir," replies the sergeant. "Very nice pigs, sir. Very nice pigs.""Why, these arent pigs," the President responds. "These are RAZORBACKS!""Yes, sir -- razorbacks. Sorry, sir.""Yup," Clinton continues. "Got this one for Chelsea, and this one for Hillary."The sergeant replies: "Very good trade, sir -- very good trade."

After the brief Falkland Islands war, a British regiment commander
was addressing some troops under his command who had heroically
performed above and beyond the call of duty. He informed them
that Her Majesty's Army had committed to reward each of the three
soldiers 100 pounds per inch of distance between two different
parts of the man's body.
The commander addressed the first soldier, "Where would you like
to be measured, Sergeant?" "From the tip of me head to the soles
of me feet, Sir!" he replied. "Very good!," the commander said,
and the sergeant was measured at 6'5." He was paid the handsome
sum of 7000 pounds.
The second soldier was asked, "What about you, Corporal?" "Between
the tips of the fingers of me outstretched arms, Sir!" the corporal
said. "Very good!" replied the commander. The corporal, a man of
considerable wingspan, was rewarded 8000 more...

An army sergeant told Private Perkins to go to the end of the line. He did, but then returned. "I thought I told you to go to the end of the line," barked the NCO. "Why did you come back?" "Because there's already somebody there!"