Sergeant Jokes / Recent Jokes

Field TestMy father, an Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went dead. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station.When my father and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook my father`s hand.? Don`t congratulate me, sir,? my father said modestly as he pointed to his driver.? It was all the sergeant`s doing.?The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant.? Congratulations,? he said.? The major`s wife just had a baby girl.?

Recruits were shocked at the language the sergeant used in their unit. During a smoke break one young soldier asked: "Sergeant, where did you le-arn your language?""Learnit, hell, its a gift," proudly informed the NCO.

Sarge & the new recruitsOne day, a sergeant of long service standing was trying to teach a bunch of raw recruits how to handle the rifle. The rookies were firing hither and yon and finally one of them shot the sarge in the seat of his breeches.? You dumb, censored, son of censored, censored, censored,? screamed the sarge.A second lieutenant that was with the group cautioned,? Remember, Sarge, you`re in the New Army. No profanities.?The sergeant apologized to the officer and turned back to the recruit.? My goodness gracious,? he said,? What on earth was your motivation in shooting me with unwarranted expenditure of valuable ammunition??

There was a Barber Shop on a military reservation, and a Colonel and a Sergeant are both getting haircuts. The Colonel's barber is about done with him, and asks him if he wishes hair tonic.

The Colonel says, "Hell no, if I get that stuff on my hair, my wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!". Right after that, the Sergeant's barber asks him the same question.

The Sergeant replies, "Go ahead and put some on, my wife doesn't know what a whorehouse smells like!".

A critical shortage of typistsA soldier was asked to report to the headquarters sergeant for an assignment.The sergeant said,? We have a critical shortage of typists. I`ll give you a little test. Type this,? he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.The man, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance.? That`s fine,?" he said.? Report for work at 8 tomorrow.??But aren`t you going to check the test?? the prospective clerk asked.The sergeant grinned.? You passed the test,? he replied,? when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine.?

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night timeexcersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation."Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.He replied, "No, just a bit apperhensive."I asked, "What's the diffrence??"He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

At the morning roll call at Fort Dix, the sergeant called out,"Platoon, atten-HUT! Private Martinez, report to the office. Your brother died last night." The Chaplain, Rabbi Horowitz, looked on in horror. "Sergeant," he saidafterwards, "that's a rather cruel and unfeeling way to break tragic news. We must be more gentle and less abrupt in the future,"The sergeant shrugged. "Yes sir. I'll try to remember that." He didn'tlook very convinced. Several days later, a call came in about another family death. As the troops were assembling for roll call, the Chaplain stepped forward." Let me take this one, sergeant", he said. He turned toward the sleepy-looking soldiers and said, "Platoon, atten-HUT! " They came to attention. "Good morning, men!" he said. "Good morning, sir", they replied. "Men, today is Mother's Day, and I hope all of you will be calling home to send your moms a loving thought. In fact, all more...