Sergeant Jokes / Recent Jokes

When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough.
“That’s the only way to command respect in the Army, ” his friends said.
So Reggie did his best to carry out the advice. He swaggered all around camp, bragging, blustering and talking out of the corner of his mouth.
“Show me a sergeant and I’ll show you a dope, ” Reggie shouted.
No sooner had he spoken than a brawny, battle-hardened figure appeared.
“I am a sergeant! ” he bellowed.
“I am a dope, ” whispered Reggie.

One evening this Columbia Yuppie was stopped for allegedly drunken driving and was given a breath test by the Howard County Police. "Well? " he asked somewhat belligerently as the Desk Sergeant slowly read the print out and entered the information in the arrest record. "Disappointing to say the least," the Sergeant replied. "Chateau Duvalier... 1962... rather thin... not aged well at all."

It was early morning at the military base, and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:
"Ames" "Here!" "Jenson" "Here!" "Jones" "Here!" "Magersky" "Here!" "Seeback"
No answer.
"Seeback!"
No answer was heard again.
"SEEBACK!!!" The troops remained totally silent.
At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant's ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.

A jeweller called the police station to report a robbery."You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away."The desk sergeant said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?""What's the difference?" asked the jeweller."Well," said the sergeant, an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears.""Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweller. "He had a stocking over his head."

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks.
He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, " What's the camel for?"
The Sergeant replied, " Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we have the camel."
The Captain said "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me."
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, " BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"
The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel.
As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, " Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The more...

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time more...

Sergeant (after a War Game): "Private Jones, didn't you realize you were exposing yourself to an imaginary enemy only 250 yards away?"

Private Jones: "That's right, Sergeant. I was standing behind that imaginary rock 25 feet high!"