Sermons Jokes

In a small town there were only two churches, one at each end of town; nearly everyone in town attended on or the other every Sunday. The respective pastors got by without cars and either walked or bicycled when getting around town.
One Saturday they happened to meet, one on his bike, the other on foot. "Brother, where is your bicycle?" asked the first one.
"Well," replied the second, "I'm not sure; either it's been stolen, or I rode it somewhere and then forgot and walked back home."
"Here's what we can do," said the first. "In our sermons tomorrow we will preach on the Ten Commandments, and we will emphasize 'thou shalt not steal.' That way, if someone has taken it or has found it, he will perhaps be moved to return it."
They agreed to do that and went their way. Two days later they met again; the second preacher was on his bike again. "Say, brother," said the first, "I see that one of our sermons did more...

The congregation of a certain Presbyterian church took pride in their pastor's brief, to the point sermons.
For years he preached for exactly 15 minutes, briefly prayed, then launched into the final hymn. One Sunday, however, he preached for 45 minutes. He suddenly stopped, reddened a bit, bowed his head and gave the final prayer. When he got home, his wife lit into him.
She asked, "What on earth happened this morning?"
Chagrin all over his face, the preacher explained, "I usually put a cough drop under my tongue just before I begin to speak. When it has dissolved, I know it is time to stop. This morning, I discovered too late that I put my collar button under my tongue."

I am a pastor and father of two children. The day before we were to attend a cousin's high school graduation, I thought I'd prepare the kids, knowing how fidgety they can get.
"Graduations are sometimes long, boring events," I said. "I want you guys to behave and not ask constantly when it's going to be over."
"Don't worry, Dad. We'll live," my daughter replied. "We last through all your sermons, don't we?"
Rev. Matthew Sassano, Jr.