Serve Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do chickens serve at birthday parties? Coop-cakes!

A really sloppy drunk is draped over the bar. The bartender tells him, "OK, you've had enough. I'm not going to serve you anymore, so get out of here and go home."
The drunk leaves the bar. Ten minutes later the drunk comes back in through the back door. The bartender tells him, "I told you to go home, I'm not serving you anything more, you've had enough, now go home."
The drunk leaves again.
Ten minutes later the drunk comes back in through a side door. Again, the bartender tells him, "Man, I told you, you're wasted. I'm not serving you anymore, now go home, you've had enough."
Again, the drunk leaves.
Fifteen minutes later the drunk comes back through another side door. The bartender says, "What the hell is the matter with you? I keep telling you, you've had enough already, and I'm not going to serve you anymore, now go home!"
The drunk looks up at the bartender and asks, "How many places do you work at?"

A bear goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender replies, "Sorry we dont serve bears here."
The bear, upset, says angrily, "Gimme a beer or I'll eat that lady over there!"
The bartender says, "Go ahead, I don't care."
The bear goes and savagely mauls the woman then eats her in front of the bartender.
The bear goes and says, "Now give me a beer or I'll eat someone else."
The bartender says, "I'm sorry we don't serve bears on drugs in here."
The bear goes, "What? I'm not on drugs!"
The bartender says, "What about the barbituate?"

A man goes into a bar on the Shankill road with his pet crocodile.
He asks, "Do you serve Catholics?"
The bartender replies, "Yes, we're very open-minded here. what can I get you?"
The man replies, "A pint of Guinness and 2 Catholics for the crocodile."

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully. I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us... 1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads:"These toys insured by Smith and more...

Hello? Fred's Restaurant. Hello! I'd like to know, do you serve crabs? We serve anyone, sir! Come on in!

Sign on gate at the pig farm: "No Porking in Driveway."
Sign in the optical lab: "Please do not look into laser with remaining eye."
A couple of more collectives: a mockery of acquittals. An exasperation of Jewish Mothers.
Statistics are used as a drunk uses lampposts--for support, not for illumination.
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.
Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid; there are so many places they can hide."

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

Says one psychiatrist to his colleague: "You are fine; how am I?"

What do you call a chicken crossing the road?. .. Poultry in motion.

Aibohphobia (def'n): An irrational fear of more...