Service Jokes / Recent Jokes

On their wedding night the new couple are just about to do the deed when the wife tells her new husband that she has a confession."I lied when I told you I was a virgin. I have been with one other man" she tells her new hubby.The new husband asks if it was anyone he knows?. The wife answers...well maybe! Husband asks who it was.The wife answers - it was Tiger Woods.Since the only other person his new bride every slept with was the famous Tiger Woods, he's not at all upset and they get down to it and do the honeymoon "thing". When finished, the husband gets out of bed and reaches for the telephone."What are you doing?" asked his bride."I'm calling for room service. After all that work I'm hungry!"The wife says, "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Really! Just what would TIGER do?" says the husband.Well we would do it again! Ok says the husband and jumps into the bed. This same thing happens two more times, after which the guy is pretty more...

A couple was on their honeymoon, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to her husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed
with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband more...

With the average cost for a nursing home reaching over $300. 00 per day, there is a better way to spend our savings, when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for a combined long term stay discount and a senior discount. It comes to only $90. 00 per night. That leaves $210. 00 a day for: Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service. Laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc. They treat you like a customer, not a patient and $5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. There is city Bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And - you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix more...

How many service technicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, and he does it very well, but there is that $85 non-refundable on-site service fee to consider.

A recorded customer service call at Private Jet Services Inc., of a brief conversation with Paris Hilton was making the rounds internally until management deleted it. According to internal sources, Paris called the PJS service center and said "This is Paris Hilton. Can you tell me how long it will take to fly from Los Angeles to Las Vegas?" The agent replied, "Just a minute Miss Hilton." To which Paris replied "Wow that’s great! Thank you." and hung up.

The Commerce Department's NationalTelecommunications Information Administration and the AgricultureDepartment's Rural Utility Service are spearheading a $7.2 billion stimulusinitiative to expand broadband access to ruralAmericalikeAshville,North Carolina.
In a related story,West Virginia is petitioning the government forfunding to broadcast color television and for push button telephone service.

Tips for calling a business that has an answering service. When you get the answering service, please remember these vital tips.
1) When you call a lockout company, make sure you give the operator the telephone number on your account. It's considered proper procedure for the locksmith to drive to the office to look up an alternate number where you'll be at, and then drive to you. I believe it's quicker that way too.
2) After giving your last name to the operator on the line, and they ask for your first, It's ok to just say Mr or Mrs. Your voice can be deceiving as some people just may not have hit puberty by age 45.
3) If you're calling your apartment complex because your toilet is overflowing and you cant shut the water off, please go and get some coffee. The maintenance people dont need you at home to get inside. that's what they make credit cards for.
4) If it's July, and your a/c hasnt worked for 2 months, please call at 2am. Our service reps are just switching more...