Service Jokes / Recent Jokes

Today's local newspapers had a humour page with following matrimonial published in it.
DOCTOR = Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.
LAWYER = I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i. e. Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.
BOATMAN = Must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send the photograph of
motorboat.
BANKER = Wanted more...

/* GCFL wishes all our readers a Merry Christmas! */
When I was a child of about twelve years old, we had a Christmas that I have never forgotten. We grew up in humble means to say the least, but we generally always had one or two gifts under the tree even if they were only socks and underwear.
During this particular Christmas, by good fortune we had many gifts. For the first time in a long time, we received a lot of the things we actually wanted. I was one of seven children, so this was a very big deal. We were all so excited and could hardly wait until Christmas morning.
However, on that Christmas Eve, after careful reflection and much heated discussion, my father decided that it was much too much, and that in this frenzy that we had lost the true meaning of Christmas.
With much trepidation, we were instructed to hand over all but one of our unopened gifts. There was some crying, some anger, some shock and disbelief. What happened next truly astounded us. My father more...

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry.When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting."Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor."Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I want the traditional service."

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their
wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a
traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.
On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate
route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his
pants legs to keep his trousers dry.
When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into
the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.
"Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor.
"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I
would prefer the traditional service."

The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not.

Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."

So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find.

Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again "Are you more...

A soldier, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other. Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask, “Which Branch of Service is the best? ” St. Peter replied, “I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. ” Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note in its beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three fellows: “Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are ‘Honorable and Noble’. Each one of you has served your country well. Be proud of that. (signed) GOD, USN (Ret.)”

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Internal Revenue Service
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To: All Male Employees
From: I. R. S Service Center
RE: Notice of increase in tax payments
The only thing that the I. R. S. has not taxed yet is your penis. This is
due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20%
of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up and 10% of the
time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has 2 dependants and they are
both nuts. Effective January 1, 1997 your penis will be taxed according
to size.
The categories are as follows:
10 - 12 inches Luxury Tax $30. 00
8 - 10 Pole Tax 25. 00
5 - 8 Privilege Tax 15. 00
4 - 5 Nuisance Tax 3. 00
Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains.
NOTE: Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN more...