Set Jokes / Recent Jokes

You've been in graphics too long if...
by Chris Thornborrow

Most of your friends can pronounce Gouraud first time. When you fist heard that some people used 16 million colours you wondered whatever for and continued to write colour-map tables for correct highlights on objects. You remember comp. graphics when there weren't enough articles for you to read, none of them included the word PC and nobody ever asked the difference between raytracing and rendering. You insist that DOOM does not use raycasting. (Technically, as it was first introduced, and anyway, who plays games at your age?) Your partner knows the difference between scientific visualisation and photorealistic rendering, even though they wouldn't know a polygon from a camel. You think an SGI Indy is OK for a quick hack but not a real graphics machine. You remember discussing how one day there would be graphics hardware to support rendering in desktop machines and people laughed. You watched the Last more...

Now I lay me down to sleep, from the nightstand buttons beep. PC all set to download a file, and send the mail in a little while. Then gather the news before the dawn, and all the scores from fans long gone. The AC is set to cut back on cool; Lights to blink, the burglars to fool. Alarm clock set on delayed shutoff; CD to play some, then cutoff. Sleep-maker set on medium tension, Voice mail set on no-wake suspension. Burglar alarm on delay activate; Carport lite on, for son who's late. Mr. Coffee all set to percolate; Dishwasher to run at ten of eight. Air purifier cleans each hour tonite; Water filter to fill the tank just right. VCR to tape three good shows, Something to watch during winter snows. Motion detectors on, to check what moves; White noise machine set to seaside soothes. Camcorder is ready to film in a flashBlender's all set, the fruit to mash. Lord, Bless our all-electric domain; Keep lightning away should it rain. Let no errant shock reset it all; Watch over the breaker more...

The Story of Micro and MiniMicro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-bandprotocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing. One evening he arrived home, just as the Sun was crashing and had parked hisMotorola 6800 in the main drive (he missed the 5100 bus that morning ), whenhe noticed an elegant piece of hardware escorting her daisy wheels in hisgarden. He thought to himself, "She looks user-friendly," "I'll see if she'dlike an update tonight." Mini was her name, and she was delightfull, engineered with eyes like COBOL anda Prime mainframe architecture that set Micro's peripherals networking all overthe place. He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin 32 bit floatingpoint processors and inquired "How are you Honey Well?." "Yes I am well," sheresponded, batting her optical fibres engagingly and smoothing her console overher curvilinear more...

How can you get a set of teeth put in for free? Smack a monster.

We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes.
When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also do not need to stop.
If, at any time, you have witnessed a green light, it is okay to proceed through the intersection, regardless of the current color of the light.
The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.
If you paid more than $60, 000 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation. This is especially applicable in parking lots.
Drive as quickly as possible through parking structures. Pass any open spot by at least four car lengths before backing up to claim it. Disregard the angry mob that has formed behind you.
Get to know your horn. Use it as often as possible.
While driving on the more...

Smaller or larger tuxedo
A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom’s tuxedo.

After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom’s. Explain to the tux shop what you’re up to. Pick up the groom’s fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.

The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don’t reveal that you know anything as long as possible.

Write on the bottom of shoes
Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote “Help” on the bottom of the groom’s left shoe and “Me” on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of more...

THE ORIGINAL VERSION:
If you love something,
Set it free...
If it comes back, it's yours,
If it doesn't, it never was yours....
THE PESSIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.
THE OPTIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
Don't worry, she will come back.
THE SUSPICIOUS VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.
THE IMPATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she doesn't comes back within some time limit,
forget her.
THE PATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back...
THE PLAYFUL VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
* If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, more...