Set Jokes / Recent Jokes
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn’t appear to realize that you had set it free ……. You either married it or gave birth to it.
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,' Code 3' in housewares,... and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a' CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask' Why can't you people just leave me alone?
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store more...
A certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and hewas advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor, and the doctor said, "All right, let's check you out. You sit down hereon this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and readthat chart on the wall over there." He puts his left hand over his left eye. The doctor says, "No, no, no. Put your right hand over your right eye." This old person puts both hands over both eyes. The doctor is nowgetting upset. The patient continues to screw up, and the doctorreally gets mad and says, "All right, I'll fix you!" He gets a paperbag out of the closet, puts one hole in it, puts it over his head, andsays, "Now, read that chart!" The guy read it perfect! The doctor takes the bag off, and this old person starts cryinglike a baby. The doctor says, "Now, what the hell is wrong with you?" "Well, when I first came in here, I had my heart set on wire more...
THIS DOESN'T ONLY APPLY TO FEMALES... ALSO APPLY TO MALES!!!
============================================================
ORIGINAL VERSION:
If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she's never was....
============================================================
HERE ARE THE NEW VERSIONS:
============================================================
Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free. ..
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was. ..
============================================================
Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free. ..
Don't worry, she will come back.
============================================================
Analyst:
If you love someone,
Set her free. ..
If she ever comes back, ask her more...
Have you ever noticed girls who sit their handbags on public toilet floors - then go directly to their dining tables and set it on the table? Happens a lot! It's not always the' restaurant food' that causes stomach distress. Sometimes "what you don't know' will' hurt you"! Read on... Mum got so upset when guests came in the door and plopped their handbags down on the counter where she was cooking or setting up food. She always said that handbags are really dirty, because of where they have been. Smart Mum!!! It's something just about every woman carries with them. While we may know what's inside our handbags, do you have any idea what's on the outside?
Shauna Lake put handbags to the test - for bacteria - with surprising results. You may think twice about where you put your handbag. Women carry handbags everywhere; from the office to public toilets to the floor of the car. Most women won't be caught without their handbags, but did you ever stop to think about where your more...
Back in the old west, there was a need to connect the east and the west with a telegraph line. The Manager of the project advertised for workers to complete the job. Three groups responded. A team of Irishmen, a group of Italians, and a final team composed of Blondes.
Since none of the groups would work with anyone from the other two groups, the project supervisor decided to assign each group to a different part of the line, and then see which team set the most poles.
The first task was to set the poles. The Supervisor sent each group out to a different location. Before they left, he advised all three groups that the one to bury the most poles today, would receive a bonus.
At the end of the day, the foreman of the Italians reported back to the Supervisor. The Supervisor inquired of him how many poles had been set by his team. He answered 48. The Supervisor was delighted. He advised the Italian to stay awhile until he heard how the Irishmen and the Blondes had more...