Seventy-five Jokes

After examining his seventy-five year old patient, the doctor said, "You're in remarkable shape for a man your age."
"Yes, I know," said the old gentleman. "I have only one complaint. My sex drive is too high. Is there anything you can do for that, Doc?"
"Your what?!" gasped the doctor.
"My sex drive," said the old man. "It's too high, and I'd like to have you lower it if you can."
"Lower it?!" the doctor exclaimed, still unable to believe what the seventy-five year old gentleman was saying. "Just what do you consider 'high'?"
"These days it seems like it's all in my head, Doc," said the old man, "and I'd like to have you lower it a couple of feet if you can."

Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo!

A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I. Q. 20 points.

After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center`s director that he was an acceptable candidate.

"That`s great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."

"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant`s brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist`s brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president`s is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat`s brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."

"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a Democrat`s brain? Why on earth is that?"

"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many Democrats we would more...

A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I. Q. 20 points. After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate. "That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive." "Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat's brain is seventy-five thousand dollars." "Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a Democrat's brain? Why on earth is that?" "Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many Democrats we would have to kill?"

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Yes it is." the man replies." You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks." No thanks." the man replies." I think you do want to buy a baseball" the little extortionist continues." Okay. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he is in. "Twenty-five dollars." the little boy replies." Twenty-five dollars!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again, when she hears a car in the driveway and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy." It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off." Yes it more...