Shake Jokes / Recent Jokes
A little more clutter for your inbox...
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display. What should I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has these funny little lines all over the
screen. How can I get rid of them?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I force an application to quit on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it. Set it down.
Q: How do I delete a document from my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I prevent data loss on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Stop shaking it.
Things that you should NOT do at a thanksgiving dinner!!
1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught," and refuse to say anything more.
3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.
4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.
5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was past the expiration date. You were worried for nothing."
Q: What did the spider do on the computer?
A: Made a website!
Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Q: "Waiter, will my pizza be long?"
A: "No sir, it will be round!"
Q: "What is white, has a horn, and gives milk?"
A: A dairy truck!
Q: In which school do you learn to make ice cream?
A: Sundae School.
Q: How do you make a milk shake?
A: Give it a good scare!
Q: What is a cow's favorite day?
A: Moo-years Day!
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts!
Q: Why are graveyards noisy?
A: Because of all the coffin!
Q: Why couldn't the athlete listen to her music?
A: Because she broke the record!
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and quackers!
Q: What is the best day to go to the beach?
A. Sunday, of more...
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins.
Washyour hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with more...
A man woke up one morning, looked out the window, and saw a huge gorilla in the tree in his back yard. Feeling very nervous, he grabbed the phone book and looked up "gorilla exterminators" in the Yellow Pages. He called the exterminator, who said he would be right out.
The exterminator arrived in a van, hopped out, and opened the door. He took out a large net, a shotgun, and a fierce-looking dog.
"Okay", he said, "this is how it works: I climb the tree and shake it and the gorilla falls to the ground. The dog runs over and bites him in a vital spot. While he's disabled, you throw the net over him. I'll come down and we'll tie him up."
As the exterminator started up the tree, the man called, "What do I do with the shotgun?"
The exterminator said, "Sometimes when I shake the tree, the gorilla shakes it back and "I" fall out of the tree. If that happens, you shoot the dog."
During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine.
In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles, etc.)
Remote controls in hotels are the worst! (Always carry your Lysol spray!)
An average person's yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs.
In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept!
Annually you will shake hands with 6 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.
Annually you will shake hands with 11 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.
In a lifetime 22 nosey workmen doing work in your home, will have examined the contents of your dirty laundry basket. We won't even go into guests
snooping in your medicine cabinet.
At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests. Mouth herpes.
Daily you will breathe in 1 liter of other more...
****How To Shower Like a Woman****
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the hower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off hower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of more...