Sharon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mark and Sharon decide they don't want to discuss sex in front of their 4
and 6 year old children, so they decide to talk in code.

One day Mark is feeling a little bit turned on and says to Katie, "Tell
your mother I would really like to type a letter."

Katie runs off to find her mom. " Mommy, mommy", shouts Katie, "Daddy would
like to type a letter."

Sharon replies slightly sheepishly, "Katie, go and tell your daddy that he
can't type a letter today as there is a red ribbon in the typewriter."

Katie tears off to her father and says, " Daddy, daddy, mommy says you
can't type a letter today as there is a red ribbon in the typewriter."

A few days later Sharon remembers that Mark was a little bit keen on a bit
of nookie and she called Katie, "Katie, tell your daddy that he can type
that letter today."

Katie went off to look for more...

As a church secretary, I answer the phone by saying, "Jesus loves you, Sharon speaking. How may I help you?" One day I was deep in conversation with my office colleagues when the phone rang. "Sharon loves you, Jesus speaking. How may I help you?" I said distractedly. There was a pause before the caller said, "Somehow I thought your voice would sound different."

A secretary came in late for work the third day in a row.
Her boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you you could come and go as you please around here?"
Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said, "My lawyer."

When Ariel Sharon came to Washington for meetings with George W. and for a state dinner, Laura Bush decided to bring in a special Kosher chef and offer a truly Jewish meal.
At the dinner that night, the first course served was matzo ball soup.
George W. looked at this and after learning what it was called, he told an aide that he couldn't eat such a gross and strange-looking brew. The
aide told George W. that Mr. Sharon would be insulted if he doesn't, at least, taste it.
Not wanting to cause any trouble (after all, he ate a sheep's eye in honor of Arab guests), George W. gingerly lowered his spoon into the bowl and retrieved a piece of matzo ball and some broth.
He hesitated, then swallowed. A big grin appeared on his face. He
discovered that he really liked it, so he proceeded to dig right in and finish the whole bowl.
"That was delicious!" Bush said to Sharon. "Do you Jews eat any other part of the matzo, or just the balls?"

Sharon: I'm so homesick. Sheila: But this is your home! Sharon: I know and I'm sick of it.

Here are a selection of jokes from the Washington Post -- if you don't get' em, the * are explained at the bottom...

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JOKE 1

An American tourist in Italy is constipated for a week, but when he arrives in Florence, the water is better and his condition goes away. "With Firenze* like this," he said, "who needs enemas?"

JOKE 2

Dr. Smith: My son passed calculus* but he wasn't at all happy about it.
Dr. Jones: Why not?
Dr. Smith: It was the size of a pea!
Dr. Jones: Hahaha-ha.

JOKE 3

A young American woman is touring Germany. She is walking down the street when a sleazy guy jumps out of an alley and opens his raincoat. "Ewww," she shrieks. "That's gross." "Danke schoen," he says.

JOKE 4

Did you hear about the incompetent Hawaiian vulcanologist? He didn't know his a'a's* from a hole in the more...

Unexpected marketing
Sharon has reached the age of 18 and is regarded by many as, well, a stunner. One day, she goes to buy a new dress.
"Can I please try on that dress in the window?" she asks Benjamin, the boutique owner.
"Go ahead," Benjamin replies with a shrug, "maybe it`ll attract some business."