Shaw Jokes

THE late T. P. Kailasam was a well-known wit and writer in Kannada.' They say that you are the Bernard Shaw of Kannada,' said someone.
'Well,' replied Kailasam,' he is Irish and I am Iyerish.'

NOT so many years ago, George Bernard Shaw, poking fun at all things American, came out with some unusually caustic comments. A number of newspapers howled in protest, but one editor held his fire until Mr Shaw paid his much publicized visit to Miami. This editor's paper published a lengthy report of the arrival of Mrs George Bernard Shaw:
Mrs Shaw went to this dinner... Mrs Shaw attended that function... Mrs Shaw said this... and Mrs Shaw did that.
Then at the bottom of the long article was this casual afterthought:
With Mrs Shaw was her husband, George Bernard Shaw, a writer.

Supposedly G. B. Shaw once sent Winston Churchill some tickets for the first night of one of his plays.

Churchill then sent Shaw a telegram to the effect: "Cannot come first night. Will come second night if you have one."

Shaw promptly replied: "Here are two tickets for the second night. Bring a friend if you have one."

While at a concert being performed by a very bad orchestra, George Bernard Shaw was asked what he'd like them to play next. "Dominoes," he replied.

In a party, Shaw asked a dazzling lady:' Madam, I'm quite enchanted by your beauty. Would you be willing to spend one night with me if I offered one million dollars?' After some initial hesitation the lady admitted that she couldn't resist the offer.

Then Shaw asked,' How about one hundred dollars'? The lady got very upset.' What do you think about me?', she yelled.' Do I look like as someone with so questionable morals?'' Lady,' Mr. Shaw answered,' I think, we have agreed upon that, and the only thing to clarify now is the price.'