Sheep Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What do you call a sheep that does karate?
A: A lamb chop
A shepherd was herding his flocks in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked our shepherd: "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers "sure!" The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell-phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and some 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turns round to our shepherd and says: "you have here exactly 1586 sheep!"
"This is correct. As agreed, you can take one of the sheep" says more...
A reporter when up into the hills of West Virginia to research an article about the area. He met an old man in a small town and asked him about memorable events in his life. "Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost. So me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went looking for it. We finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and wound up screwing the sheep. It was a lot of fun!" The reporter knew he couldn`t write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story. "Well, one time my neighbor`s wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We finally found her. Then we drank the moonshine and screwed her. Now that was a lot of fun!" The frustrated reporter told the old man that he couldn`t write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any sad memories he could talk about. The old man paused, then said, "Well, one time I got lost...... "
Animals-Pigs/Sheep Do you think sheep know when you're pulling the wool over their eyes?
Does the person who inventories sheep often fall asleep on the job?
If a pig is sold to the pawn shop is it then called a ham-hock?
If we make sweaters out of a sheep's hair, what do the sheep use to make sweaters?
If you can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear what can you make with it?
If you pushed a pig down a hill would he be a sausage roll?
What do pigs say when they don't want to do something? Would it be' Yea
when humans fly'?
What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
Why can't pigs look up into the sky?
Why do pigs have curly tails?
Why do we call them guinea pigs when they are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why is it that only pigs and humans can get sunburn?
Why is it that the first thing we try to do after killing a pig is to cure it?
Would a small pig be more...
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!
A red head walked over to a shepard and asked,"Could I
have one of your sheep?" The shepard said no.
Then the red head asked if she could guess how many
sheep he has she could have one of his sheep and he
said fine. She told him he had 360 sheep.
He said yeah, how did you know? She
said I dunno, could I have a sheep now?
He said sure. She came back with the one she wanted
and he said are you a real red head?
She said no, acually I'm blonde. He said fine, now
give me my dog back.
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A blonde walked into a doctor's office and poked her
shoulder and said, "It hurts when I poke here," then
she poked her arm and said," It hurts when I poke here
too." Then she poked her knee and said, "It hurts when
I poke here too." Then the doctor asked, "Are you a
real blonde?" She said, "Yes." Then the doctor more...