Sheep Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team.
Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed with you?
A: She has a big' E' on her pajama jacket pocket.
Q: Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
A: Because they might let down their trunks.
Q. Why do elephants have four feet?
A. Because lady elephants have big twats.
Q: What do elephants use for tampons?
A: Sheep.
Q: What do elephants use for condoms?
A: Snakes.
Q: What do elephants use for vibrators?
A: Epileptic pigmies.
Q: Why do elephants have long trunks?
A:' Cos sheep don't have strings.
Q: How do you know when an elephant has its period?
A: There is a quarter on your dresser and your mattress is missing.
Q: What is an elephant's sex organ?
A: His foot... If he steps on you you're FUCKED!
Q: What do you call any elephant who is more...
What do you call four sheep tied to a post in Cardiff (Wales)? A leisure centre.
A blond died her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on,
She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. she said to the farmer "If i can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one?"
"ok" said the farmer, so she quickly counted them and said 91. The farmer looked around astonished and said "alright take one"
As she was walking back to her car the farmer said "If i can guess your natural hair colour can i have my dog back?"
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. "Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black." "Hmm," says the physicist, "You mean that some Scottish sheep are black." "No," says the mathematician, "All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!"
During the week, the village pitch is always covered in grazing sheep. Last week, the groundsman was marking out the boundary when he heard one sheep say to another,
'Well, I've eaten all the grass at extra-cover. I think I'll try over at third man!'
An accountant is in a car travelling with a farmer client around his farm. They pass a large mob of sheep and the farmer says, "Youre pretty good with numbers, Keith. How many sheep do you reckon are in that paddock?"The accountant looks at the sheep for a moment and says, "One thousand, eight hundred and thirty two."The farmer is amazed. "Exactly right", he says. "How did you work that out so fast?""Easy," says the accountant "I counted the number of feet and divided by 4."
Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. That's what research students are for.
Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five: One to write the grant proposal, one to do the mathematical modelling, one to type the research paper, one to submit the paper for publishing, and one to hire a student to do the work.
Q: How many sheep does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to follow him round while he looks for a new one.
Q: Why did the `Real Man' sit in the dark?
A: He couldn't find a new light bulb and was too embrassed to ask.
Q: How many George Smillivitches does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, becouse tough girls aren't afraid of the dark.
Q: How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it, and one of them can change the bulb while more...