Sheep Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."The shepherd thinks it over. It's a big flock, so he takes the bet.The man looks around and answers, "869." The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.The shepherd says, "Okay, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." The man picks one up and begins to walk away."Wait," cries the shepherd, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." The man agrees."You are an accountant for the government," says the shepherd."Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?""Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."

Somewhere over Australia...
The plane contains a pilot, co-pilot and a load of sheep. The route is long and the weather is abominable. Nearing their destination the pilot realizes that the fuel is insufficient. "I'm afraid we are just not going to make it Steve. We must prepare to jump." advises the pilot.
The co-pilots says, "WHAT ABOUT THE SHEEP!"
"FUCK THE SHEEP!" replies the pilot.
"DO YOU THINK WE HAVE TIME?" Steve Inquires.

A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets an old man in a small town and asks him about any memorable events in his life. The old man says, "Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost, so me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went looking for it. We looked and looked and finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the sheep. It was a lot of fun!"The reporter figured he can't write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story. The old man said, "Well, one time my neighbor's wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We looked and looked and finally we found her. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the neighbor's wife. Now, THAT was a lot of fun!"The reporter, feeling frustrated, finally told the old man that he couldn't write articles about those stories and more...

A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a while and then says, "Tell you what, Ill bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that flock."The farmer thinks for a moment, it is a big mob and he cant see how anyone could guess correctly so he says, "OK. Youre on.""Nine hundred and thirty two," says the man. The farmer takes off his hat and scratches his head. "I dont know how you did it but thats exactly right. A bets a bet. Take any sheep."The man picks up an animal and is about to walk off when the farmer says, "Hang on. Bet you double or nothing that I can guess your occupation."The man thinks, "How would he know, hes never met me before" and says "Righto. Youre on". The farmer says, "Youre an auditor with a Big Four firm."The man whistles. "How the heck did you know that?""Well," more...

There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash.
"No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!"
The farm hand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper. This went on for three days... and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper.
On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper. He asked his wife where the farm hand was and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries and he ran like hell!"

What do you call a Highlander with four sheep? A pimp

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2. 362x]. If parallel lines meet at infinity - infinity must be a very noisy place with all those lines crashing together! Maths Teacher: Now suppose the number of sheep is x... Student: Yes sir, but what happens if the number of sheep is not x? Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences. Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives. If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my statistics class: it would seem so much longer.