Sheep Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young missionary had just taken up a new post in a remote Maori village. The young man was the first white man to set foot in the area in quite some time.
Upon entering the village he was quite distressed at the liberal attitude towards sexual practices and began to preach chastity to his new flock with a vengence.
10 months later the daughter of the chief gives birth to a white baby. As the missionary is the only white man around the chief furiously confronts him.
"You preach chastity to me and all the time you are doing the devils work with my daughter. I'm going to kill you, you hypocrite."
"No it wasn't me" stammered the missionary "It's just a freak of nature."
"Oh sure! A black woman gives birth to a white baby and you're the only white man for miles and you call it a freak of nature. Now I'm going to kill you slowly."
"No, it's true" responded the missionary. "It's called an albino. These sort of more...

A mathematical biologist spends his vacation hiking in the Scottish highlands. One day, he encounters a shepherd with a large herd of sheep. One of these cuddly, woolly animals would make a great pet, he thinks...
"How much for one of your sheep?" he asks the shepherd.
"They aren't for sale", the shepherd replies.
The math biologist ponders for a moment and then says: "I will give you the precise number of sheep in your herd without counting. If I'm right, don't you think that I deserve one of them as a reward?"
The shepherd nods.
The math biologist says: "387".
The shepherd is silent for a while and then says: "You're right. I hate to loose any of my sheep, but I promised: One of them is yours. Have your pick!"
The math biologist grabs one of the animals, puts it on his shoulders, and is about to march on, when the shepherd says: "Wait! I will tell you what your profession is, and if I'm right more...

a blonde was sick of all the blonde jokes so one day she died her hair brown and decided to go for a drive. She drove for ages and she came to a road where it was blocked with sheep, there was a farmer leading them along so the blonde called out " hey farmer if i can guess the number of sheep you have with you can i pick one and take it home with me?"
"sure" the farmer replied.
the blonde thought for a few moment and then uncertainly said... 384??
" ohmigod thats absolutely right, pick the sheep you want".
the blonde did that but just as she was loading the sheep into her car the farmer shouts "hey ill make you a deal if i can guess the real colour of your hair, can i have my dog back???

Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts? A: They're all on the same team. Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed with you? A: She has a big' E' on her pajama jacket pocket. Q: Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools? A: Because they might let down their trunks. Q. Why do elephants have four feet? A. Because lady elephants have big twats. Q: What do elephants use for tampons? A: Sheep. Q: What do elephants use for condoms? A: Snakes. Q: What do elephants use for vibrators? A: Epileptic pigmies. Q: Why do elephants have long trunks? A:' Cos sheep don't have strings. Q: How do you know when an elephant has its period? A: There is a quarter on your dresser and your mattress is missing. Q: What is an elephant's sex organ? A: His foot... If he steps on you you're FUCKED! Q: What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin disorders? A: A pachydermatologist. Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging? more...

How many sheep do I have?
There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.

So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.

Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.

The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.

"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.

Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.

She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.

She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"

The blonde more...

You know you're Castle Trash if......

Your shroud of Turin is painted on velvet
Your daughter's chastity belt has rusted
You can't afford a cod piece................ nobody notices
You have more sheep dogs than sheep
You sold your only horse to buy that jousting lance you just had to have...
The plague improved your complexion........... but only for a little while
The Pope sends you to the Crusades........... in Norway
Your armor is made from that foil that came with your chewing gum
Your wife is stronger than your plow horse... but the horse is prettier
The grail you brought home has "made in China" printed on the bottom
Your wife says you have the smallest turret in the kingdom
You won "most improved " at the tournament
They call your daughter made Marian
Your family crest is a chicken with a banner that says "peace before discomfort"
Your sheep seem strangely nervous more...

There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the females. He hired a French guy who didn't speak English, but was a very good worker.

After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French worker was just about to throw away the' parts', but the sheep farmer yelled, "No! Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them. They're delicious and we call them' sheep fries'."

Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper and indeed, the' sheep fries' were tasty.

The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening they all settled down to another supper of' sheep fries'. The third day, however, when the sheep farmer came home, he asked his wife where the French hired hand was.

She said, "You know, it was the weirdest thing! I told him since there weren't very many' sheep more...