Sheep Jokes / Recent Jokes
Once there was this brunette who was driving her corvette with the wind in her hair. She looked and she saw a farmer with a flock of sheep so she drove over and asked the farmer "if I can guess how many sheep in you're flock will you give me a sheep." The farmer says "OK". The brunette says "485". The farmer says "that's right but if I can guess you're natural hair color can I have my sheep back". the brunette says "OK". The farmer says "blonde". The brunette says how did you know. The farmer says you just picked the dog.
Mary had a little sheep
With this sheep
She went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb.
Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: more...
A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all he visits an English farmer.
"So, English farmer, how do you shag your sheep?"
"Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."
"That's very interesting,"replies the researcher and he leaves the English farmer. Then he meets an Australian farmer.
"So, Australian farmer, how do you shag your sheep?"
"Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall."
"That's very interesting,"replies the researcher,"That's how they do it in England too."And he leaves the Australian farmer.
Then he meets a farmer from New Zealand.
"So, kiwi farmer, how do you shag your more...
The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?" "None," answered little Norman. "None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic." "Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"
There was a blonde named Candi. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. So one day, she decided to get a makeover, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible.
With her new car, she went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the shepherd over.
"That's a nice flock of sheep," she said.
"Well, thank you," said the herder.
"Tell you what... I have a proposition for you," said the woman.
"Okay," replied the herder.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" asked the woman.
"Sure."
So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382."
"Wow!" said the herder, "That's amazing. You're exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep more...