Shelter Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sean was fishing and it started to rain, so he moved under the bridge
for shelter.
His pal McGinty saw him and called, "Sean, me boy, are ye afeared of a
few spots o' rain, now?"
Sean replied, "I'm not...the fish come here fer shelter."

Two hunters were forced by a storm to seek overnight shelter in a house occupied by only a homely farmer's widow. The storm passed and so did the hunting season. The following year when hunting season rolled around and the two met again, one asked, "Tell me, did you screw that old bag we stayed with last year?"
"Yeah," admitted the other, "I'm afraid I did. Didn't look at her much, though."
"And you used my name, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I was so amashed I told her I was you," laughed the first hunter, "I didn't knock her up, did I?"
"No, no," smiled the friend. "She died last month and left me the house and fifty-thousand dollars."

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Scene: A courtroom where a witness is testifying in a case involving a man biting off the ear of another man during a fight. After supplying testimony which was very bad for the defendant, the witness was being cross examined by the defendant's attorney. Attorney: You said that you saw the defendant and the plaintiff in a fight? Witness: Yes. Attorney: You then said that you were concerned for your safety and that, because of this concern, you sought shelter elsewhere? Witness: Yes. Attorney: You further stated that during this time of seeking shelter, you turned your back to the fight at hand? Witness: Yes. Attorney: And THEN you testified that that was when the defendant bit off the plaintiff's ear??!! Witness: Yes. Attorney: Well, that makes for an interesting question then! If your back was turned to the fight then you obviously MUST have had more...

During the frontier days, travelers often found themselves seeking shelter from fearsome weather. Sometimes, there was no shelter to be found, and they would press forward, hoping to find refuge before they succumbed to the elements.
On a stormy winter's nights, a man staggered into an inn. The innkeeper helped the man to a table, and got him some hot food. "I'm terribly sorry that I can't seat you next to the fire, sir, but court is in session and the lawyers are occupying that space."
As the man ate and warmed up, he thanked the inkeeper for his hospitality. One of the lawyers commented to the man, "Why stranger, by the looks of you, you traveled through hell and back in order to get here."
"That's right," said the man.
"It is?" asked the lawyer. "Tell us then, how did you find things in hell?"
"Just like here," the man replied, "lawyers all closest to the fire."

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Scene: A courtroom where a witness is testifying in a case involving a man biting off the ear of another man during a fight. After supplying testimony which was very bad for the defendant, the witness was being cross examined by the defendant's attorney.Attorney: You said that you saw the defendant and the plaintiff in a fight? Witness: Yes.Attorney: You then said that you were concerned for your safety and that, because of this concern, you sought shelter elsewhere? Witness: Yes.Attorney: You further stated that during this time of seeking shelter, you turned your back to the fight at hand? Witness: Yes.Attorney: And THEN you testified that that was when the defendant bit off the plaintiff's ear??!! Witness: Yes.Attorney: Well, that makes for an interesting question then! If your back was turned to the fight then you obviously MUST have had the more...