Sherlock Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned. Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Sherlock.
Sherlock who?
Sherlock your door! Someone could break in...

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says,

' You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt more...

That master detective, Sherlock Holmes, was sitting on his chair beside the fireplace calmly reading a book when suddenly, his good partner, Dr. Watson came in.
Sherlock Holmes looked at his friend and smiled, saying, "Why, Dr. Watson, don't you think the weather is a bit hot for you to be wearing your red flannel underwear?"
Dr. Watson was shocked by this incredible and wonderful logic. "My good man," he gasped, "How did you know I was wearing my red flannel underwear?"
Holmes smiled wider and put down his book. He explained, "Elementary, my dear Watson. You forgot to put your pants on."

Sherlock Holmes & Dr. Watson were on safari, trekking through the jungle when Watson noted, scrutinized and classified a here-to-fore unrecorded phenomenon: a large, warm, moist pile of... something. A few yards down the elephant trail, Watson encountered another of these new finds. Then another. Then another.
"I say, Holmes, what do you make of these?" Watson inquired.
And the sleuth replied, "Alimentary, my Dear Watson, alimentary."
When they got back to London, Watson and Holmes made their way back to Baker Street. Standing outside number 221B, Holmes asked Watson if he had noticed if anything had changed while they had been away. Watson stared at the building for a long, long time before exclaiming.
"Good Lord, Holmes! Mrs Hudson's had the house repainted."
"Exactly, Watson. And what do you deduce from this redecoration?"
Another five minutes passed whilst Watson pondered the freshly painted more...