Shield Jokes / Recent Jokes

Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...

1. Cover your stump before you hump. 2. Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper. 3. Don't be silly, protect your willy. 4. When in doubt, shroud your spout. 5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner. 6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong. 7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it. 8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey. 9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize. 10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter. 11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick12. If you go into heat, package your meat. 13. While you're undressing venus, dress up that penis. 14. When you take off her pants and blouse, be sure to suit up your trouser mouse. 15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member. 16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker. 17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool. 18. The right selection! Protect your erection. 19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil. 20. A crank with armor will never harm her. 21. If yo really love her, wear a more...

1. Cover your stump before you hump.2. Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper.3. Don't be silly, protect your willy.4. When in doubt, shroud your spout.5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick12. If you go into heat, package your meat.13. While you're undressing venus, dress up that penis.14. When you take off her pants and blouse, be sure to suit up your trouser mouse.15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.18. The right selection! Protect your erection.19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.20. A crank with armor will never harm her.21. If yo really love her, wear a cover.22. Don't make more...

Have you ever heard of the kissing shield? No? then look at this list of crazy inventions people just like you made;
Kissing shield
Face bake
Horse diaper
Whopper wheels
Skateboard pirate
Light bulb changer
Beach boots
Remote controlled horse
Flying bike
Baby bottom art
Pump power
Dummy chicken farmer
Airplane moisturizer
Alarm fork
All terrain stroller
Aqua swing
Baby cage
Ball blinders
Banana head
BIRD CAT TRAP FEEDER
Boob tube
Boatless water skiing
Hijacker detector
And many more dumb inventions soon to come. Be watching!

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of thewindshields.British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the pilot's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like a bolt shot from a crossbow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs for the windshield, andbegged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.NASA responded with a one-line memo: more...