Shirt Jokes / Recent Jokes

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.He had no trouble with discipline that term.

Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window.
If you can read this, my wife fell off! (Seen on the back of a biker's vest.)
If you can beat me, you can eat me! (Seen on a Corvette driven by a "drop-dead gorgeous blonde.")
Remember: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.
GUYS: No shirt, no service. GALS: No shirt, no charge.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
Boldly going nowhere.
Cat: The other white meat.
Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway
He's not dead, He's electro-encephalographically challenged
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now
WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition

Guy walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender. Reaching into his pants pocket, he pulls out a hundred dollar bill. “Set up everybody in the place! ” he shouts. The bartender obliges.
Suddenly, a little man jumps out of the guy’s pocket, runs down the bar, and kicks all of the drinks, smokes, change, etc on the floor. He runs back and jumps back into the guy’s pocket.
The Bartender asks what’s going on. The guy just reaches back into his pants pocket, pulls out another hundred, and says “just set everybody up again. ” Bartender obliges once more, suspiciously watching the guy.
Once more the little man appears from the guy’s shirt pocket. Runs down the bar, breaks the glasses, pitches the napkins into the air, etc. Runs back and jumps into the shirt pocket again. This time the guy buttons the pocket.
Bartender says “explain yourself, or leave. ”
Guy says “Well…. I was walking down the beach one day, and ran across a bottle in the sand. more...

I hate those hipsters who wear Che Guevarra t-shirts and don't even know who he really is.

I wanna get a shirt with an equally obscure political figure, William Howard Taft.

I'll go up to one of these guys and when he says "why's that guy on your shirt?" i'll say "you first."

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew werein danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which thecaptain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vesselssending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calmas ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle wason, however, the Captain and his crew repelled both boardingparties, although this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recountingthe day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, more...

It's New Year's Eve. Kelly walks into a bar and orders beer and a shot of whiskey. The bartender gives him a beer and a shot of whiskey. Kelly drinks his beer and pours the shot of whiskey into his shirt pocket. Kelly orders another beer and another shot of whiskey. Kelly drinks the beer and pours the shot of whiskey into his pocket.

The bartender says, "Look, Mac, it's New Year's Eve, and I know we're both depressed, and I certainly don't mean to bug you, but my curiosity is killing me. Why do you keep pouring the shots in your pocket?" Kelly says, "It's none of your freaking business! And if you be givin' me a hard time, I'll be breaking your bloody face!"

At this time, a little mouse pops out of Kelly's shirt pocket and says, "And that goes for your cat, too!"

A Polak saw a priest walking down the street. Noticing his collar, he stopped him and said, "Excuse me, but why are you wearing your shirt backwards?"
The priest laughed, "Because, my son, I am a Father!"
The Polak scratched his head. "But I am a father too, and I don't wear my shirt backwards!"
Again the priest laughed. "But I am a Father of thousands!"
To which the Polak replied, "Well then you should wear your shorts backwards!"