Shoes Jokes / Recent Jokes

1) Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2) You know stuff about tanks.
3) A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4) You can open all your own jars.
5) Dry cleaners and hair cutters don`t rob you blind.
6) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
7) You don`t have to learn to spell a new last name.
8) You can leave the motel bed unmade.
9) You can kill your own food.
10) You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.
11) Wedding plans take care of themselves.
12) If someone forgets to invite you to something,
he or she can still be your friend.
13) Your underwear is 10$ for a three-pack.
14) If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
15) Everything on your face stays its original color.
16) You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the
passenger`s seat.
17) Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
18) You don`t have to clean your more...

A wife arriving home after a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:
"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.
Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wear because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.
Then as she was about to leave the house, she had paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?"

There is no such thing as child-proofing your houseIf you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can igniteA 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurantIf you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strongenough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and asuperman capeIt is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a20 by 20 foot roomBaseballs make marks on ceilings. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up afew times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hitby a ceiling fan. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's alreadytoo late. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36year old man says more...

A wife arriving home after a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wear because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.Then as she was about to leave the house, she had paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?"

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair.
One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they
rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon
making passionate love. When they were finished they fell
asleep and didn't wake up till 8 o'clock.
They got dressed quickly. Then the man told his secretary
to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn.
Bewildered, she does as he asks (thinking he's pretty weird).
The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door.
Upset, she asks where he's been. The man replies "I cannot
tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today
we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon
making love then fell asleep. That's why I'm late."
The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and
says, "I see those grass stains on your shoes. You've been
playing golf again, haven't you!?"

A man was on holiday in the depths of The Northern Territory where he tried to buy some Crocodile shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man. I'll go and kill my own croc."
To which the shopkeeper replied "By all means, just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same. So the man went out into the Bush and after a while saw two men with spears standing still in the water.
"They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed a crocodile moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive as the croc came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the lad the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the croc up onto the beach where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw the croc onto its back Where-upon one exclaimed more...

Why It's Good to be a Man!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your last name stays put.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics sometimes tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

Same work. .. more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

One mood... Horny... ALL the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own more...