Shoes Jokes / Recent Jokes

If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make? Slippers!

It is when you trip over your own shoes that you start picking up shoes.

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Shoes!
Shoes who?
Shoes me, I didn't mean to bump into you!

Write on the bottom of shoes
Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote "Help" on the bottom of the groom's left shoe and "Me" on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of course, this will only work if he must kneel with back to congregation (i.e. Catholic wedding). Make sure you get it so that it is readable with the shoes side by side, left to right, toes toward the floor. Do this far enough in advance so that the paint is dry before the groom wears the shoes to avoid damaging carpets.
Besides "Help Me", other possible message to write on the soles are (with varying degrees of cruelness): Left Shoe (I'm With) Right Shoe (Stupid [pointing arrowhead]); Left Shoe (Quick, Call 911!) Right Shoe (Never Mind, I'm Doomed!)

1. Free drinks.
2. Free dinners.
3. Free movies (you get the point).
4. You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you're gay.
5. You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU'RE gay.
6. You know The Truth about whether size matters.
7. Speeding ticket? What's that?
8. New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
9. You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school.
10. If you have sex with someone and don't call him the next day, you're not the devil.
11. Condoms make no significant difference in your enjoyment of sex.
12. If you have to be home in time for 90210, you can say so, out loud.
13. If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling.
14. You can sleep your way to the top.
15. You can sue the President for sexual harassment.
16. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.
17. It's possible to live your whole more...

There is no such thing as child-proofing your house

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite

A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a
superman cape

It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a
20 by 20 foot room

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already
too late.

Brake more...

1. We know stuff about tanks

2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase 3. We can open all our own jars 4. We can go to the bathroom without a support group 5. We don't have to learn to spell a new last name 6. We can leave a motel bed unmade 7. We can kill our own food 8. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness 9. Wedding plans take care of themselves 10. If someone forgets to invite us to something they can still be our friend.11. Underwear is $10 a three-pack12. If you are 34 and single nobody notices 13. Everything on our faces stays the original color 14. Three pair of shoes are more than enough 15. We don't have to clean the house/apartment if the meter reader is coming.16. Car mechanics tell us the truth17. We can sit quietly and watch a game with a friend for hours withou thinking "He must be mad at me."18. Same work - more pay19. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character 20. We can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a more...