Shoes Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of
Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator
shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to
pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle"
attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde
shouted, "Maybe I`ll just go out and catch my own
alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a
reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest.
Maybe you`ll luck out and catch yourself a big
one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed
for the swamps, set on catching herself an
alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving
home, when he spotted the young woman standing
waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming
quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature,
and with a great deal of more...

A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships.

"Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside?" she asked earnestly.

"The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet" counseled the therapist.

So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon.

When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you."

On Fox News tonight there was a story about how you can actually get more jail time for stealing a pair of shoes than for being a child molester.

If this is true, I think there will be a lot of arguments like this in court:

"You can see, Your Honor, that it was just a simple misunderstanding. I wasn't planning to steal his shoes. I was just taking them OFF so I could molest him. "

Former Soviet leader Breshnev once came to parliment with one brown and one black shoe. One MP who noticed this went to him and told
-Mr Breshnev, you came in shoes of different colours why don't you go and change them
Breshnev replied the MP
-I been there three times I got mixed shoes at home too.

A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own "croc!," to which the shopkeeper replied, "by all means, just watch out for those two "ole boys" who are doing the same!". So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. 'They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer.Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already laying Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed more...

Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear."
"If you know that, why are you changing shoes?"
"Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."

PATIENT: I'm in a hospital!? Whey am I in here?
DOCTOR: You've had an accident involving a train.
PATIENT: What happened?
DOCTOR: Well, I"ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
PATIENT: Well the bad news first.
DOCTOR: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
PATIENT: That's terrible! What's the good news?
DOCTOR: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your shoes.