Shopkeeper Jokes / Recent Jokes

A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is
browsing round the cages on display. While he's there, another
customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C
monkey, please".
The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop
and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to
the customer, saying "That'll be $5000". The customer pays and
walks out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper. "That was a very
expensive monkey - most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why
did it cost so much?"
"Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs,
well worth the money".
The tourist looks at the monkeys in that cage. "That one's even
more expensive - $10, 000 dollars! What does it do?".
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object oriented
programming, more...

Little 6 year old Nancy and her big sister, Sandy were at the mall, looking at a sweatshirt.
"That shirt is 60 dollars," said Sandy. "I wish I could afford it."
Then the shopkeeper comes up, and says, "Can I help you girls with something?"
"Well, this sweater is 60 dollars and we only have 43 dollars," said Nancy.
"Well, sorry, but you are a little short," said the shopkeeper.
"I can't help it, I'm only 6," Nancy replied.

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the' no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted,' Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'

The shopkeeper said,' By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!'

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The more...

A man is walking buy a shop which has a sign in the window reading "WE SELL ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING".
The man decides to put the shop to the test. He thinks of the most absurd thing possible. He enters the shop, and asks the shopkeeper, "Can I have a waist coat for a Chicken, please".
The shopkeeper thinks for a moment, and then goes into the back room. He returns after a few seconds and hands the man a condom.
The man says "That's not a waist coat for a chicken!"
To which the shopkeeper replies, "No sir, but it's the closest we've got - A PULLOVER FOR A COCK"

A man, visiting San Francisco, noticed a musty curio shop, which seemed to be forgotten by time. It seemed very out of place in the busy city. The man’s curiosity was piqued, and he entered the shop. The store didn’t seem to have much traffic, and the shelves were full of dusty, but interesting items. The man found himself strangely interested in a rather ugly brass rat on a shelf behind the counter. Ugly it was, but he had never seen anything like it - it was so incredibly detailed, and life-like. He asked the shopkeeper for a price.

The man was pleased to learn that he could acquire the rat for only $5, and he handed the shopkeeper the money. But, before giving the man the rat, the shopkeeper sternly warned him, “This sale is final. If you leave the shop with the brass rat, I won’t take it back under any circumstances. ”

The man thought the warning was curious, given that the rat only cost $5. Even if he decided he hated the rat, that was hardly an more...

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.
This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.
The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"
Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, more...

A blonde, vacationing in the depths of Louisiana, desperately wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes but refused to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
Becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one shopkeeper, the blonde screamed, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
"By all means, be my guest," the shopkeeper replied. "Maybe you'll even luck out and catch yourself a really big one!"
Now, more determined than ever, the blonde headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
As the shopkeeper is driving home, later in the day, he spots the young woman waist deep in the water, shotgun in her hand. Just then, he sees a huge alligator swimming quickly towards her. She takes aim, kills the creature and, with a great deal of effort, hauls it onto the swamp bank. Nearby, there were several more of the dead creatures.
As the more...