Shopkeeper Jokes / Recent Jokes
A homosexual walked into a delicatessen and asked the shopkeeper for a large knob of salami." Would you like it sliced, sir?" the shopkeeper asked politely." What do you think I am?" replied the fag, "... a money box!"
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.
He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, ''That'll be $5000.'' The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, ''That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?''
The shopkeeper answered, ''Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.''
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. ''That one's even more expensive - $10,000! What does it do?''
''Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,'' said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The more...
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.
While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll
have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out
a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash and handed it to the customer, saying,
"That will be $5,000".
The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very
expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?!"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight
code, no bugs, well worth it!"
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more
expensive, $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual
C++, even some Java. All the really useful more...
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.
While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.
He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, that'll be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10, 000!
What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object- oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the more...
A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing round the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey, please".
The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer, saying "That'll be $5,000". The customer pays and walks out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper and says, "That was a very expensive monkey - most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"
"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that monkey can program in C with very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."
The tourist starts to look at the monkeys in the cage. He says to the shopkeeper, "That one's even more expensive, $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that one's a C++ monkey; it more...
A tourist wandered into a dimly-lit old San Fransisco antiques shop, down in china town. Perusing the shelves, he discovered an amazingly life-sized and life-like bronze sculpture of a rat. He had to have it and asked the shopkeeper how much it cost.
"$12 for the rat," said the shopkeeper, "and $500 more for the fascinating story behind it."
"Old man, you can keep the story," the tourist replied, "but I'll take the rat."
As he left the store with the bronze rat, two live rats emerged from the sewer and started following him. The tourist looked over his shoulder and began walking faster, but more and more rats started following him. As people pointed and shouted the tourist was in a panic.
Walking faster and faster he soon began to run as the rats started appearing from old abandoned cars, basements and sewers. He ran as fast as he could to the waterfront as millions of squealing rats kept up with him. With his last bastion of more...
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony more...