Shopping Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was nearly Christmas and Judge Judy was in a happy mood. She asked the defendant, "What are you being prosecuted for?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping too early," replied the defendant.
"That's not a crime," replied Judge Judy.
"How early were you doing you Christmas shopping?"
"Before the store opened," replied the defendant!!

The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers first. Finally he got around to the youngster, who made his purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car."What took you so long, son?" he asked."The man waited on everybody in the store before me," the boy replied. "But I got even.""How?""I wound and set all the alarm clocks while I was waiting," the youngster explained happily. "It's going to be fun at eight o'clock."

Why are sheep always in a field? Because they can't get out! Who gives my cat his Christmas presents? Santa Paws! Who gives my other cat his Christmas presents? Santa Claws! What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around while i go ahead! Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs! What did mary say to santa during the storm? Look at that rain, dear! Where do plumbers buy there presents? Bath! Why is it best to park your car near the moon? Because there is a lot of space! What is the use of reindeer? It makes the garden grow sweetie! How many legs does rudolph have? Four? No, six. - he's got forelegs and two back legs! What game do six reindeer play in the back of a mini? Squash! Why did the reindeer take his nose apart? To see what made it run! What do you call a reindeer that has a number on its tail? Reg! Did you hear the story of the 3 reindeer? No. Oh deer, Oh deer, Oh deerWhy do reindeers have wrinkled ankles? Because they lace there boot too tight! more...

The teenager approached the sales clerk in the dress shop with a large bag. “My mother likes this outfit -- may I exchange it?

Jingle bells, Shopping bells, jingle all the way,
Oh, what fun it is to go shopping everyday.
Candy store, five and ten, sports shop after that,
Toys for all the kiddies and don't forget the cat.

Dashing thru the crowds, people everywhere,
Up and down the aisles, sneezing in my hair.
There's so much to choose, there's so much to see.
Wonder if what I got you cost more'n what you got me.
Chorus
Shopping Bells, Jingle Bells, will they never stop,
I've been shopping all week long and I'm about to drop.
Ring them bells somewhere else far away from here,
Ain't it really lucky Christmas comes but once a year?
Verse
Wrap your presents nice, Pretty bows that shine,
Take them out to mail, You're gonna wait in line.
Find your way back home, and if you're like me,
Maybe on the twenty-fourth, You'll get to trim the tree.
Chorus
Jingle Bells, Shopping Bells, Jingle dear Saint Nick,
Got a more...

Have some fun on your next shopping trip, try these... Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like, "Pick Me!! Pick Me!!"Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme to "Mission Impossible". When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO, NO! It's those voices again!"Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out. Look right into the security cameras, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" Set up a tent in the Camping Department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bed and Bath aisle. Re-dress mannequins as you see fit. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares." Make a trail of orange juice on the more...

A man and his wife are on vacation in Tibet. While shopping in a small village, the wife asks her husband what time it was, and looking down at his wrist the man realized he had left his watch in the motel room. After a few unsuccessful attempts to find an english speaking local, the couple finally finds an elderly man sitting quietly on the street with his donkey.
"Excuse me," the husband says, "could you tell us the time?"
"Absolutely", replies the elderly man, and with that he reaches down and lifts the donkey's balls. "It is 3:10", the man exclaims.
"Thank you" replies the wife in a surprised voice. And the couple continues on their way. After doing some shopping and grabbing a bite to eat. The couple return to the old man for the time.
Again the elderly man lifts the donkey's balls and says, "It is now 4:45."
By this time the husband is completely amazed. "Please show me how you can tell the time more...