Shot Jokes / Recent Jokes

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.

"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said,' Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"

"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.

"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said,' Sure, I'm game.'"

Little John: I used to be a big-game hunber. Why, for years I shot elephants in Alaska.

Big Alfred: That's impossible! There aren't any elephants in Alaska.

Little John: Of course not. I shot them all.

Steven Spielberg was filming his latest movie deep in the heart of the Amazon rain forest. The costs involved in transporting the multitude of movie making equipment to the site were immense. On top of that, he had a cast of thousands to feed and clothe. It was his most expensive production yet and he sank his entire personal fortune into the project.
The biggest expense was building an exact replica of an Ancient city in the middle of the jungle. No expense was spared to make the city authentic.
The climax of the movie was to be the complete destruction of the city in a dramatic fire. Since Spielberg planned to actually burn the city to the ground, there was only one chance to film it. He set up four cameras:
"Camera one, I want you up in the helicopter to get an overhead shot of the whole scene."
"Yes, boss."
"Camera two, I want you at the edge of the clearing for a medium range shot."
"Yes, boss."
"Camera more...

Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it's closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times." And with that he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those Decon tablets, cut' em up, and snort' em just for the fun of it." And with that he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams down a shot, gets up and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"
The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to fuck the cat."

Things are slow in Heaven one day, so Moses suggests to Jesus that they go down to Earth and play a round of golf; Jesus agrees.
On the first hole, there's a long fairway with a water hazard before the green. Standing at the championship tee, Moses points to the novice tees and says "Jesus, I think we should tee off from up there. I don't think we can make it over the water from here."
Jesus replies, "I've seen Arnold Palmer make his shot from here many times, and if Arnold Palmer can do it, so can I."
Jesus puts his ball down and drives it toward the green. It sails up over the fairway, out over the water, then SPLASH, it falls in the water. Moses walks out, parts the water, retrieves Jesus' ball, and brings it back.
"Jesus," Moses says, "I really think we should tee off from up there. I don't think we can make it over the water from here."
Jesus insists, "I've seen Arnold Palmer make his shot from here many times, more...

Jesus and Moses were playing golf one day on Earth. The course they were on had a particularly difficult hole, and Moses expressed his doubts that Jesus could make the shot over the water. "Ah no, Moses, I think I can do it," explained Jesus. "I've seen Arnold Palmer make this shot, and if Arnold Palmer can do it, then so can I." Moses rolled his eyes and let Jesus try. Sure enough, the ball splashed into the water. Moses parted the water for Jesus, who went in to retrieve his ball. Jesus, however, was not ready to give up. "I know I can do this, Moses -- I've seen Arnold Palmer do it, and if he can do it, then so can I." True to form, however, Jesus' ball ended up back in the water. Moses parted the water, and Jesus went in to retrieve the ball. "Look, Jesus," said Moses. "Try again if you like, but I'm not parting the water for you again." "Fair enough, Moses," said Jesus. "But you know, I've seen Arnold Palmer make more...

Reading jerry298's story about the life-raft in the VW inspired me to write
down an incident that happened to me about 10 years ago. Like Jerry, it
took me about 5 years to see the humor in it.
About 10 years ago, I bought a used van to drive back and forth to my cottage
on weekends. It had previously been owned by a company called "Canada Dredge
and Dock." This gave it some notoriety since they were at the time involved
in a big local political scandal involving rigged bidding on dredging
contracts.
One weekend at the cottage I was giving it a good cleaning out
when I discovered a red cylinder labeled "Emergency Flare" in one of the door
pockets. I thought "Well, that's not a bad thing to have in the car." and
left it there. Sure enough, on the way home that weekend, we had a flat tire.
I should say that our cottage is in the middle of a very popular vacation
area north of Toronto, and the weekend in more...