Shotgun Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name. "Yeah teach?" he replies. "If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher. Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off." "No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds. "Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?" The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream." Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way more...
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits down.
The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender says not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said.
So the truck driver finishes his beer, more...
(1991, Nicosia, Cypress)
An Iranian hunter was shot to death near Tehran by a snake that coiled around his shotgun as he pinned the reptile to the ground. Another hunter reported that that the victim, named Ali, tried to catch the snake alive by pressing the butt of his shotgun behind its head.
The snake coiled around the butt and pulled the trigger, shooting Ali in the head.
Yo Mama is like a shotgun 2 cocks and shes ready to blow!
A man tried to rob a bank. As a disguise, he wore a paper sack over his head. The sack was secured by a rope around his neck.
Only very small peep holes were cut out so he could see. Armed with a shotgun, the robber told the teller to start emptying the tills and he commanded everyone else to drop to the floor or he would start shooting.
Everyone in the bank complied with the armed robber's command.
Then suddenly, as the robber moved closer to the tellers window, he began to wobble and walk erratically. Seconds later, the armed robber fell to the floor. He dropped his shotgun. It appeared that he was not moving, so a security officer picked up the gun and told the robber he was under arrest. It was apparent that there was something wrong with the robber. The security officer and a customer in the bank, with medical experience, tried to remove the mask.
They had difficulty getting the rope untied from around the man's neck and so had to rip more...
A man woke up one morning, looked out the window, and saw a huge gorilla in the tree in his back yard. Feeling very nervous, he grabbed the phone book and looked up "gorilla exterminators" in the Yellow Pages. He called the exterminator, who said he would be right out.
The exterminator arrived in a van, hopped out, and opened the door. He took out a large net, a shotgun, and a fierce-looking dog.
"Okay", he said, "this is how it works: I climb the tree and shake it and the gorilla falls to the ground. The dog runs over and bites him in a vital spot. While he's disabled, you throw the net over him. I'll come down and we'll tie him up."
As the exterminator started up the tree, the man called, "What do I do with the shotgun?"
The exterminator said, "Sometimes when I shake the tree, the gorilla shakes it back and "I" fall out of the tree. If that happens, you shoot the dog."