Shoulder Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Ten Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard on the opposite sexes genetalia
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one
3. Thou shall kiss at every given opportunity
4. If thou kissed someone, and was slapped, thou shalt not kiss her again.
5. Thou shall never bite when in the act of french kissing
6. Thou shall not pay for sexual intercourse
7. Thou shall not date members of state or Musicians
8. Thou shall not have sexual intercourse in public convieniences.
9. thou should never turn down free sexual intercourse
10. Procreate at will
Religions of the world
Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius say, shit happens
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Buddhism: Shit happens, yet shit does not happen
Islam: Shit happens, is Allah wills
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Protestantism: Let shit happen to other people
Catholicism: If shit more...

Gary Sheffield will miss several games with a sore shoulder. Sheffield has already come out against the shoulder for being racist.

A guy is hunting bear and spots one in some bushes and blasts away. He goes to investigate but sees no bear. Then something taps him on the shoulder and he turns to see the bear. The bear asks: "Don't you know this is not bear hunting season?"
The guy says "Yes, I know."
The bear takes his rifle and smashes it on a rock, then throws the guy across a tree trunk, pulls his pants down and does it to him. Then he tells the guy "Get out of here. I don't want to see you again."
The guy is incensed and hurries back to town and buys the biggest bear rifle he can find and goes back into the forest. Soon he spots the bear and empties the rifle. He looks for the bear but no body. Then the tap on the shoulder and the bear tells him: "I told you not to come back."
He smashes the new rifle, throws him on the ground and gives it to him again. Then he says: "This is the last time I'm warning you. Don't come back."
This time the guy more...

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab, I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.

A wife arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her
husband in bed with a young lovely thing. Just as she was about to
storm out of the house her husband stopped her with these words.
Before you leave, I want you to hear how all this came about. Driving
along the highway, I saw this young girl looking tired and bedraggled,
so I offered her a lift. She was hungry, so I brought her home and made
a meal from the roast you had forgotten in the refrigerator. She had
only some worn sandals, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you
discarded because they were out of style. She was cold, so I gave her
the sweater I bought you for your birthday - the one you never wore
because the colours didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out, so I
gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good, but too small for
you now. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and
asked;
"Is there anything else that more...

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.

A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman. She has a parrot on her shoulder. Woman says: If you can tell me what kind of animal I haveon my shoulder...I'll sleep with you." Guy says: "An alligator?" Woman says: "Close enough"