Tapped Jokes

One night, just after going to bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and began to rub her arm.
The wife turned over and said, "Not tonight, dear. I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow morning and I want to stay fresh."
A few minutes later, the husband tapped his wife on the shoulder again and whispered, "Do you have a dental appointment tomorrow too?"

There was this guy that whent bear huntning and seen a large bear by a clearing, he aimed and fired and the bear dropped. that hunter ran up to look for the bear and it wasnt there, about that time the bear came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder and sead "you have two choices, i can kill you and eat you or screw you a while", the hunter didn't want to die so he let the bear have his way with him and left.
he was mad as hell whent back the next day with a 7 mm mag and sure enough there was the bear in the same place. he took aim and fired and the bear dropped, he ran up to get the bear and there was no bear. the bear came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder and sead, "same deal as yesterday". so the hunter let the bear have his way with him again and he left madder than before. he when't home and got a 300 weatheby Mag and whent back to the same lpace and sure enough there was the bear again. he took realy carefull aim and fired and the bear more...

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman.
So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot."
"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that", replied the Irishman.
Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a faggot and he didn't care."
The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off... watch and learn."
So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!"
"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that", replied the Irishman.
Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right, he's unshakable!"
The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch this."
So the third Englishman walked over to more...

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. One of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."
"Oh really? Hmm, didn't know that."
Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"
"Oh really? Hmm, didn't know that."
Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"
The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and more...

The town founder had passed away and the whole town turned out, as did his family who arrived from all over the globe. This threw the mortuary into an uproar. They had some employees doing two or three jobs and others switching jobs to get everything done.
After the chapel services, all the members of the funeral party piled into the different cars for the drive to the cemetery. The procession was very long, and one group of family members, not knowing their way, decided to ask the driver how much further it would be. The patriarch tapped the driver on the shoulder, and said, "Pardon me....."
The driver let out a scream and turned with a grimace of horror to see who had tapped him. In doing so, he drove the car into the ditch and through a farmer's fence, almost overturning it.
After calming everyone down, the driver somberly explained, "I'm so sorry for what happened, but you see, I usually drive the hearse."