Shouted Jokes / Recent Jokes
Will came home dejected because a boyhood friend was about to be executed for murder, but his mood wasn't improved when his bitchy wife started berating him after dinner for one thing after another. "Thats enough!" he finally announced. "Poor Sam Wright is going to die tonight, and all you can do is yell at me. I'm going upstairs."
Alone, watching TV, the woman had begun to regret her conduct when a newscaster reported that the condemned man had been given a final reprieve. She hurried upstairs, heard water running, burst into the bathroom and yanked open the shower-stall door and shouted, "They're not hanging Wright tonight!"
"Good god, woman!" Shouted back her husband, "Isn't there anything about me that satisfies you?"
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened."
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with more...
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"When Mary didnt stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior," but Mary didnt even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue, and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one m ore time, Ill more...
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What did you do to get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got' em all."
One school day, a little girl was really tired, the lesson was religious studies and the girl had questions fired at her, the teacher asked her "who is our lord above?" and the boy behind her poked her back with a pencil and she shouted "GOD AlMIGHTY!" and then the teacher asked her "who is the son of God?" and the boy poked her again and she shouted "JESUS CHRIST" and then the teacher asked her what did eve say to Adam after they had their third child and the boy poked her again and she shouted "IF U POKE THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL SNAP IT IN HALF"!
An old man had a doctor's appointment and was very hard of hearing so he took his wife with him to help. When they got into the examining room, the Doctor told the old man to take off his shirt.
The old man turned to the wife and shouted, "What did he say?" and the wife got closer in his ear and yelled, "Take your shirt off!" The old man nodded and took his shirt off.
The Doctor then asked the old man to tilt his head back so that he could have a better look down his throat.
The old man shouted, "What?" and the the wife got closer to his ear and yelled, "Tilt your head back and open your mouth." The old man nodded and tilted his head back.
When this was all over, the Doctor said, "OK, now all I need is a urine sample, a stool sample and a semen sample.
The old man yelled, "What?" and the wife got closer to his ear and yelled, "The Doctor wants your underpants!"
An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"