Shoved Jokes

Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight.
He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie with him on his next visit.
When he was being examined the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and finally the cookie up the guy's ass. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy.
This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie up his ass.
Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a mallet for the next visit.
The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient's ass.
After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his asshole and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!!!

One day, three travelers were going through the mountains when they came upon a farmhouse. They asked the farmer if they could stay the night and the farmer said ok, but they were not to have sex with his daughter.
That night, the farmer caught them having sex with his daughter. He said, "Ok, it's the first time this has happened so I'll go easy on you guys. Go to my garden, pick fifty of your favorite fruit, and shove them up your ass."
The first guy shoved fifty cherries up his ass and was crying.
The second guy shoved fifty apples up his ass and he was crying too, but then started laughing.
"What's wrong with you?" the farmer asked. "Didn't you learn to cry?"
"I'm laughing," the guy replied, "because the third guy's favorite fruit is watermelon."

Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight. He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie with him on his next visit. When he was being examined the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and finally the cookie up the guy's ass. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy. This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie up his ass. Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a mallet for the next visit. The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient's ass. After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his asshole and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two Ponca men were sitting out on a back road visiting. All at once there was a tapping on the window."Ah Hoh!" "Hey guy!" "I think there is a ghost tapping on the window!"Sure enough a wizened face with long flowing white hair was there just out side the window.The Ponca man driving shoved his foot down on the gas and immediately was doing 60 miles and hour."Step on it!" "He's still out there!" And sure enough, there was another tapping at the window.The driver shoved his foot to the floor again! This time he was doing ninety (90) miles an hour.Still the ghostly figure tapped on the window."You better giver' er some more gas!" "He's still out there.""I can't go any faster, I've got her up to 120 miles an hour.About that time the little old man motioned for the passenger to roll the window down, which he did."Say Boys!" "I was wanting to know, do you need a shove to get out of this mud hole?"

John, Bob, and Steve were traveling through Africa. When, out of the bushes a tribe of natives grabs all three. The tribal chief tells them that they have to go out into the jungle and gather up ten pieces of the same fruit. So, John is the first back and he is carrying ten apples. He shows his apples to the chief and the chief said "You have successfully completed the first test. The second test is you have to bend over and have all the fruit shoved up your ass without making a sound." John bends over and takes the first apple, on the second he screams with horrible pain. The chief kills John and John rises to heaven.
Next, Bob comes walking out of the jungle with ten grapes. The chief says, "You have successfully completed the first test. The second test is you have to bend over and have all the fruit shoved up your ass without making a sound." Bob bends over and takes the first without feeling a thing. He takes the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, more...