Shoved Jokes / Recent Jokes

John, Bob, and Steve were traveling through Africa. When, out of the bushes a tribe of natives grabs all three. The tribal chief tells them that they have to go out into the jungle and gather up ten pieces of the same fruit. So, John is the first back and he is carrying ten apples. He shows his apples to the chief and the chief said "You have successfully completed the first test. The second test is you have to bend over and have all the fruit shoved up your ass without making a sound." John bends over and takes the first apple, on the second he screams with horrible pain. The chief kills John and John rises to heaven.
Next, Bob comes walking out of the jungle with ten grapes. The chief says, "You have successfully completed the first test. The second test is you have to bend over and have all the fruit shoved up your ass without making a sound." Bob bends over and takes the first without feeling a thing. He takes the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, more...

Finally the day of the big sale had arrived. With all the advertising that had been done to promote it, there was a long line of anxious customers standing outside the store's doors, waiting for them to open.
A small man attempted to push his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed and shoved back. Trying again, he was punched square in the jaw, cursed at, pushed around and once more shoved back to the end of the line.
Gathering his composure, he looked at the person directly ahead of him and said, "That's it! If they dare hit me one more time, I'm not opening the store!"

A father brought his son into the doctor because the boy had a matchbox car shoved up his nose. All the while the doctor was trying to remove the car, the father kept saying "I don't know how he did it!" Finally the doctor removed the car, and the father and son left.

A few hours later, the father came back with the matchbox shoved up HIS nose. He told the doctor, "Now I know how he did it!"

Two Ponca men were sitting out on a back road visiting. All at once there was a tapping on the window."Ah Hoh!" "Hey guy!" "I think there is a ghost tapping on the window!"Sure enough a wizened face with long flowing white hair was there just out side the window.The Ponca man driving shoved his foot down on the gas and immediately was doing 60 miles and hour."Step on it!" "He's still out there!" And sure enough, there was another tapping at the window.The driver shoved his foot to the floor again! This time he was doing ninety (90) miles an hour.Still the ghostly figure tapped on the window."You better giver' er some more gas!" "He's still out there.""I can't go any faster, I've got her up to 120 miles an hour.About that time the little old man motioned for the passenger to roll the window down, which he did."Say Boys!" "I was wanting to know, do you need a shove to get out of this mud hole?"

Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight.He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie with him on his next visit.When he was being examined the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and finally the cookie up the guy's ass. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy.This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie up his ass.Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a mallet for the next visit. The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient's ass.After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his asshole and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!!!