Show Jokes / Recent Jokes

TO ALL YOU GIRLS OUT THERE:

Q: How do you show a guy you don't want to have sex when they
ask??? How do you also show a guy and tella guy to put his dick
back in his pants?

A: Simple really........ If he's being a Fat-Ass jerk, won't listen and
won't put his dick back in his pantz, then punch his bigg -ass ballz(if he got
any) back into his skin and he won't have any ballz to enjoy and wack off with.
iF GUYS ARE BY THEMSELF AND ARE LONELY, THEN THEY USUALLY WACK OFF WHENEVER THEY
HAVE THE CHANCE.

- A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
- Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
- Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
- Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
- When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
- A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
- What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
- Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
- When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
- The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- You feel stuck with your debt if more...

Guests who kill talk show hosts--On the last Geraldo.

There was an Asian lady who married an English gentleman and moved to London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but still managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. So she brought her husband to the store...because he spoke English.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor.

Aries

The Ram. Their farts are "Built Ram Tough". They may feel like Curly-Qs coming out of their asses because their farts mimic the curves of a ram's horns. They, the farts, sometimes like to butt heads with other farts. Since people born under the sign of Aries show strong leadership and like to get things started, they are always the first ones to fart while around other people. Their farts tend to be loud since they are energetic. Do you like to hear robust farts? Too shy to be the first one to fart? Get with an Aries.

Taurus

The Bull. Their farts can be very stubborn, and once released, they can stink up a space with power for very long periods of time-longer than average. Their farts just don't want to go away. Their farts can even be kinda sharp and hurt their *******s when they come out, because they are big and mimic the sharp horns of the bull. Since Taurus people love sensual pleasures, they must take care not to over-indulge and more...

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.
"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.

"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.

"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."

"Can you keep a secret?" asks more...